The Ideal Partner?

The fact is that the transwoman’s dream — of finding a young, fit, handsome, financially secure, STRAIGHT Mr Right, who will stick around, will almost never happen and a lot of broken hearts are made along the way. I know there are some exceptions and I wish them all the very best.

Most straight men will eventually want children; I don’t care what they say. This will hit them usually no later than their mid-thirties, and by and large, that’s when the fantasy ends; they go and find a genetic woman who can provide what they’re looking for. Adoption just doesn’t cut it for men, unless it’s the only recourse because they are sterile themselves.


Two Types

There are two types of men who don’t want children. The first are monumental egomaniacs who only ever think of themselves. There’s no way they would give up the years it takes to love, nurture and raise a family. They’re too busy pursuing their own personal adventure. I have nothing at all against men like that (although they are often insufferably shallow) but any transwoman should ask herself: ‘If he won’t commit to his own children, will he commit to me?’ Don’t bet on it. The chances are, after a while he’ll get bored, another cute girl will cross his path — and he’ll be gone.

Oh, and the young thrusting career pro/golden boy — forget it; he’s a variation on the above, although he may well settle and have family, since it fits with his life-plan. Everything he does is just to step up the ladder of male status. He knows damn fine if it gets out he fools with transwomen, his career is on hold, though, so any relationship with one will be in secret and subject to instant termination should circumstances require. Not a good choice.


The other group are gay or asexual, and the latter are no damn use, s well s being like hen’s teeth. Of course, a gay man may not have the paternal instinct, and may be tough enough to deal with the other issues, but he has some other dark secrets in there, and sooner or later they will come out. It depends on the girl, but…I know transwomen who finally decided to have the op because they were fed up of their partners begging to be penetrated…it never works, the guys always leave, because for a man like that, no c**k=no interest. They’re just chasers, but sweet, hopelessly romantic ladyboys* pretend they’re not.


Now I am not saying that all older men are appropriate partners for younger transwomen. The vast majority on the dedicated dating sites are either blue-sky dreamers with nothing to do but waste other people’s time, or who are too cheap to go to Pattaya and pay (!) and think they can hook up on the downlow for nothing. I advise anyone to log onto some of the other sites they use and just eyeball the conversations. These guys don’t actually like transwomen at all…apart from one bit. They are corrosive personalities and transwomen (indeed all women) should avoid them like the plague.

There are some though

However there are some men who genuinely like transwomen. They usually really like natal women too. They’re usually — but not always — older, have probably been married and crucially, their families are grown up. They might be divorced (please avoid the ones who remain married). Their career goals have likely been satisfied. They’re conventional in bed; they’ll always be the man and their partner always the woman. They’re polite; they’ll hold open doors, lend their hand when you step out of the taxi, and ask if you would like them to order for you. They are keenly aware of your sexuality but are also interested in your personality. They will put you on a pedestal. (Try not to fall off!)

These men tend to be educated and with a background in the Arts, creative professions or academia. They’re usually OK financially but not necessarily mega-rich. They can be a bit avuncular from time to time and are probably over-protective, but are so easily teased it shouldn’t be a problem. They can be unforgiving, though; these are experienced, successful alpha-males who have got pretty tough over the years. They can emotionally commit, but know when they are being taken advantage of.

If you can find one of these in good physical condition with twenty years or so of active life to come, who is tolerably good looking, supportive and likeable, without too many bad habits, then you may just have found the ideal partner. Just saying.

(BTW this is not a promo for me — I’m spoken for!)

* this was originally written as a humorous response to a post on

If you’d like to read a hot romance about love between a man and a transwoman, The Warm Pink Jelly Express Train is for you!


Originally published at Rod Fleming’s World.