Inside My Head
One thing falls off, the whole things get ruined
it’s been a couple years since the last time i feel everything so heavy and i’m at a point where i can definitely tell you that nothing makes me happy, i don’t feel like doing anything anymore. there are people out there who always said :
“I do care about this kinda situation”
but in fact, they’re not even close for what they said.
i think i was reach this place in the past three years, i do always manage all the stuff inside myself because i hate to fall back into old pattern of behavior. i can say that i lose my really close people and everything start struggling, not just at home, but also with my friends, my-self and all that kinda relationship.
i feel like my life got really weird and really hard at the time, and everything is stuck in the same place somewhere inside my head. i can say that i’m tired like i’m burned out, but down here i feel like i don’t want to do anything anymore, nothing makes me happy. what i see is myself just an empty body walking the earth.
i always have this kinda depressive side like i want to give up, if everything isn’t perfect or work the way it supposed to. it’s not like i want to kill myself, but it’s more like i don’t want to feel anything anymore.
My friend told me to take a time, to think.. then it comes to my free time then it ends badly. I chase myself around my head, i wind up feeling bad, alone, failing, shattered, drifting off every second, and perhaps most devastatingly, i found myself lacking in helping.
I know it’s something that i wish i could fix and leave it behind. But for me, life isn’t easy as everybody thinks. I know that because that’s the way I am.
As the time passed by, I feel like I’m going drown, like lost under the surface. These lacks of self-control slowly taking me down.
I don’t know what i was write down but i just trying figure it out how my life suppose to be