THE MEDIA’S STATEMENT ON PREVENTING SHAMELESS LIES

The American press is calling for a total and complete shutdown of lies emanating from the United States White House until our country’s citizens can figure out what is going on. According to the Annenberg Center, among others, there is great disrespect towards Americans by large segments of the Trump administration. Most recently, a review from the Center for Honest Statements released data showing “95.3% of those polled agreed that statements made by members of the administration are hogwash” and 81% of those polled, “agreed that citizens in America should have the choice of being governed by someone who doesn’t lie habitually.” Lying enables such atrocities as manufacturing massacres out of thin air, descriptions of hackers sitting on their beds that weigh 400 pounds, purveyance of “alternative facts”, and more unthinkable acts that pose great harm to Americans, especially women.

Jake Tapper stated, “Without looking at the most recent daily load of ‘statements,’ it is obvious to anybody the disrespect is beyond comprehension. Where this utter disregard comes from and why we will have to determine. Until we are able to determine and understand this problem and the dangerous threat it poses, our press and citizenry cannot be the victims of horrendous lies by people that believe only in deceit, and have no sense of respect for human reason. Until they demonstrate the ability to step up and tell the truth, none of their statements will appear in print, on television, or in our online media outlets.” — The National Press Club

(NOTE: Clearly, this is intended as a satire of a statement made in December, 2015 by a certain candidate for US president. The Annenberg Center is real and manages factcheck.org. The quotes attributed to them are fake. The Center for Honest Statements is a figment of my imagination. Jake Tapper is a real journalist for CNN, but he never said anything like what is printed here. And The National Press Club has nothing to do with this work of satire — their name just sounded like a formal organization that might be involved in something like this fictional “statement” so I used it to lend the fake statement some fake credibility.)

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