How Learning English Helped Me Overcome Depression
Depression’s Surprising Blessings
Maybe it sounds strange, but I don’t have any friends. Back in school, I had plenty and was very social, but after getting married and staying home all the time, making friends became impossible. A few years ago, it was a heartbreaking and sad. I was also struggling with depression because I felt like I hadn’t accomplished anything in my life and was just stuck being a housewife. It was tough for someone who used to be a good student with lots of potential. (I’m not exaggerating)
I hit rock bottom and couldn’t take it anymore. I kept thinking, ‘What can I do with my life?’ I thought about going back to school to finish my education, but for various reasons, that wasn’t in the cards. So, I decided to take either computer classes or English classes. I went with the latter. After a month, I ended up quitting.
The main reason I went was to make friends, but my classmates were middle school girls, and here I was, a married loser woman with an infant. The friendship was impossible. It was a crushing blow. Besides this, I had some problem with my teacher so after some unpleasant run-ins with my teacher, I decided to call it quits. I was really sensitive back then and couldn’t handle it.
But you know what? I couldn’t give up.
I had put in some effort — buying the books, paying tuition, and attending classes for a month. I was actually doing pretty well, and my classmates were impressed when I quickly answered the test questions. But it wasn’t a walk in the park. I had been out of school for years and had forgotten how to study. My English wasn’t great, and I made many mistakes, especially with pronunciation.
So, I worked hard to learn the phonetic alphabet, which made a world of difference in pronouncing words correctly and sounding more like a native speaker. Since I felt like a failure for not going to college, I took this opportunity very seriously and gave it my all to figure out everything I didn’t know.
After all of this I couldn’t quit!
I found that I got a real kick out of learning the language. I also discovered that I loved the book ‘The Secret Garden’ (they were teaching it as well) even more than our main learning book. My husband was initially upset when I said I wanted to quit, but he told me that if I didn’t want to go, I didn’t have to, and he encouraged me to learn on my own. I can’t remember if it was initially my idea or his to continue independently, but he really pushed me to do so.
I loved the process so much that I desperately searched for ways to learn English.
It’s interesting that I set out to overcome my depression and find friends, but I unexpectedly fell in love with learning English and reading instead. It’s been quite a journey, and later on, some good things happened.
I’m Happy I Didn’t Quit That Day
Learning independently was not easy; it was complicated and challenging. However, I discovered that I enjoyed learning English through reading books.
I found an app with books ranging from beginner to advanced levels and started with level 1. The app had an English-Persian dictionary, which helped me along the way. Reading didn’t feel like learning; it was enjoyable.
Unfortunately, I fell ill, which slowed my progress. While I was sick, I thought about giving up, but I ultimately decided to keep going.
I don’t recall how long it took me to resume my learning journey after that decision, but I didn’t give up. I faced difficulties and obstacles without guidance or a teacher. I relied on the internet, trial and error, and experimented with various methods recommended by others. However, what worked for them didn’t always work for me. So, I began my own trial-and-error journey to find what suited me best.
Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t quit that day. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. Learning English independently has opened doors for me and allowed me to earn a decent income, despite not attending college. It’s been a difficult journey, but ultimately rewarding.
“If you quit ONCE it becomes a habit. Never quit!!!”
― Michael Jordan
The Opposite of Happiness Is Boredom
Mostly, it has a lot to do with busyness and being interested in something. Before stumbling upon this wonderland of learning English, I didn’t have any special activities to keep me occupied. So, in the evenings, my husband would offer to watch the baby so I could go out and have some fun. Honestly, it felt even worse — walking alone wasn’t enjoyable; I would window-shop without buying anything! Now, as true today as it was back then, I still don’t have any friends, and I’m not wealthy enough to shop just for fun.
However, something has changed since then. I don’t feel lonely despite not going out or having friends. Instead, I’ve found a better companion: my books and learning, something I truly admire deep down!
Don’t get me wrong — I’m not antisocial or as they say, introverted. I enjoy chatting with people and having someone to talk to. I love people. If I come across someone who really matches my personality, I’m happy to pursue a genuine friendship. But truthfully, I’m not actively seeking that right now. I’m busy chasing my dreams.
I think I need to keep being creative, not to prove anything but because it makes me happy just to do it… I think trying to be creative, keeping busy, has a lot to do with keeping you alive.
_ Willie Nelson
