Love Letters that never made it

rogue river
Jul 23, 2017 · 3 min read

My Dear,

I am writing you from the other side of the planet, looking for a sign that could possibly send me into space. My space.
In my mind, you asked me the other day why I am closed and would not allow anyone into some parts of my being. Stumbling upon me you hit a wall and it made you angry and sad. I am sorry you feel that way and I rather had not put it up there, but as you can see, the wall is quite old and in ruins already.
I did not renovate it, modernized it or even built it higher, I did not.
Which is to me quite an accomplishment.
Might you stumble upon me hard enough, you could create a breach, please, try to stumble hardest.
For my body could really use your arms around me to hold together the pieces scattered.

Evenings are for long conversations with self and yesterday I received so many answers, my mind could not store everything all at once.
I was rushing in and out of myself, while looking at myself, my astral being was floating through the energy I provided and suddenly it hit me;
I am with me.
My focus is on me, my love is for me, my energy is for me and my hungry soul is fed by me.
I am writing you because the catalyst was you and for this I will be forever grateful and indebted to you.
It may have appeared I shut you out but perhaps, on the contrary;
you are inside of me like no one else has ever been.
We may not communicate by words or anything within this world, we communicate by heart and soul and ours have been tied from the beginning.
You might not be present in my day to day material life, but you are deeply within, pulsing to the surface at times, just long enough to watch you float around.

I love you and have loved you in all these lifetimes, it’s forces that cannot be explained and nor do we need to, what is ours remains our business.
My love, of all I have let you in the most — please be comfortable within the ruins of my soul.

— my most recent dream:

I remember being in a room very dark. The only thing present was a neon pink stroke of light alongside some window, which was not a window even, I guess I wasn’t even human, I mean I did not see my body or anything but I saw (felt) the presence of a very powerful man (or being) putting his index finger on the top of my head tracing a line down my face in a very ‘guiding’ manner.
It was as if he was a higher spirit, that needed to touch me in a dream.
Not yet new, but it was the start of a significant change.
I remember I woke up different, as if I had been touched by someone or something lifting me into something higher, it was very odd, but beautiful.

My love, I am writing you from the other side of the planet. It feels so intimate and I can almost feel what it would be like to kiss your nose and feed kisses to your hungry mouth.
I wish I knew who you were. I wish I met you outside of me, besides seeing you on the inside of my soul.
I kind of need you right now, I could use your eyes to make a home in, for a little bit or forever, I’d pick the last one, so it’s all up to you.

Wherever you may be, I hope you are doing good.
Across whatever distance, I send you my love.
Promise me you will live to meet me in the future, and please stop questioning if I exist, find me.

rogue river

Written by

if it wasn't for writing, I´d be long gone by now.

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