Things that happen while you are polishing your nails — excerpt from script ‘Blink’ — R. Heuer
The weirdest stories you hear when you are not supposed to listen.
It was on a spring morning. The frost was still present in the air, but the sun was shining with all her might, summoning young buds to sprout into new life, like a mother duck quacking from the pond to her ducklings running around in the grass, convincing them they won’t drown.
This takes seconds, whereas the sun needed a couple days more.
I was sitting on a park bench and on the bench next to me two elder ladies, I’d say around the age of 75, sat next to each other, sharing a pretzel.
‘Silvia might have found someone for her dog, I told her I am not having that German Shepherd in my dollhouse living room, did she ask you too?’
‘Yes, I never understood why she had to get such a tall building of a dog anyway, it is much easier to find a new home for a dachshund than a dog the size of a cow, but I declined as well.
Who will be taking him?’
‘I guess that lady who comes in every day, for support, who walks her dog.
She told me she will still proceed with the plan.’
‘Shame…, although I do understand why you want to kill yourself after everything that has happened.
This was the moment where I leaned in a little bit closer, as I was shocked to my very core. Kill herself?
The lady said it as if it was THE MOST NORMAL THING in the world.
‘Yes, well, I think she just has to deal with it. She asked me if I would help arrange the funeral. Not many people will attend, I saw the list of names.
And her children are not talking to her anymore.
I guess it would be an easy task and it’s the least I could do.’
‘hm-mm, I asked her how she was going to do it, she was looking into some sort of pills from China, apparently it was described as the least painful way to go, but her son used to help her with Facebook, I have no idea how on earth she would manage to purchase anything like that. Did you know you can order deadly pills from China? It sounds like a scam.’
I was worried now, and sitting so close to the ladies, they must have been aware of the fact of me listening in on them, they were not whispering, I wondered if they were part of some kind of sick candid reality TV show, and I was looking around to see if I saw anything suspicious.
I decided I’d take my chance and ask them about the whole story, I knew I wasn't going to be able to walk away from that bench, not knowing what was just said.
I turned to them;
‘Excuse me, sorry for being very bold, I could not help but pick up on your conversation, I’m sorry, again, I did not mean to, but I feel inclined to myself to ask…’
Both ladies turned to me now as well.
‘Oh, that’s quite alright child, I understand it might come off as a rather weird dialogue.
Sarah, you tell the story, you are better at this.’
I sat a bit closer and the lady started to tell the whole story, I was in shock.
‘Silvia had a husband, Mel, I always thought he was very sweet, a bit of a pushover, he always seemed a little bit, how do I say, slow, and Silvia is quite the woman. Always loud, very present, always angry at Mel.’
‘Yes, actually we all like her the least, didn't you like her the least, you told me as well?’
‘Yes, well, after Dahlia of course.’
‘Yes, but Dahlia lives out of range, she only visits when she has something to brag about.’
‘Sure, you know how she is always showing off.
Anyway, Silvia was always angry at Mel and she didn't care who was around. I mean she would yell at him for breathing too loud, she would blame him for the fact that it rained, very disturbing and all the while Mel just sat there and shrugged his poor shoulders.
So one day Silvia calls me from the hospital, very stressed out, at first she was not making any sense to me, whimpering all the while, she sounded very afraid and it took some time before I understood Mel was dead. He died.
And he died, because she hit him.’
I gasped for air; ‘She did what? How? She hit him to death? She wanted to kill him?’
‘No, well, she says it was an accident and later on we learned that the police did not have any reason to question that, or time, or energy to even begin to investigate. Their children were devastated, of course, and even Silvia, I still think she did not mean to hit him so hard to hope for Mel to die.’
‘No, maybe not, but who would hit someone who is already paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheel chair?’
‘My goodness!’ I interrupted the lady in shock. ‘He was in a wheel chair!?’
‘Yes, a terrible accident long ago, Silvia always yelled she was — stuck with him- and I guess that’s the reason why her children refuse to believe it was an accident. I mean she had to know he was not able to defend himself in anyway and he could not get away from her fast enough, that poor soul, she must have known that any hit could easily put him to pieces. And Silvia is quite strong physically, you know, from pushing him around all the time.’
‘I don’t know, Sarah, maybe it was never her intention, I mean, she does want to die now. If she knew of the consequences of her actions, she might have considered counting to ten.
But yes, domestic violence is never a solution, that poor Mel, he wouldn't hurt a fly.’
‘Well, not anymore now, no, she made sure of that.’
I stared at the two ladies, still in shock, trying to process what was just said.
‘So, now she wants to take her own life, everyone around her is disgusted by her and we are mainly the only ones still talking to her.
You know, it doesn't matter how old you are, everyone bullies, regardless of their age. It is high school all over again for Silvia. No one wants to sit with her.
I tried to talk her out of it, we both did, but I’m just too tired. I can’t babysit someone at my age and I figured the least I could do is promise to stand by her side, but I’m not taking that dog, that’s where I draw the line. And that dog is young still, I don’t even like dogs that much.’
‘I must say I’m shocked. Never had I heard such a thing, I feel for her though, I don’t know her but it must be very hard on her, I can imagine. Not that I would ever hit my disabled husband, I think, but still…’
‘Yes, well, I don’t really know how to feel about it either, but we will see what happens. In a way we are all basically waiting for it to happen, I mean death, for ourselves and the rest of the dinosaurs on our block. I’ve seen it all, dear, my husband died long ago, a natural death, and I miss him ever since.
He was something else, my Gerry, oh, never had I ever loved a soul as much.
If I may give you some advice; never ever fall in love that deep with someone, because when they die — and he has been dead for over 15 years now- you will be left with a void that can never ever be filled again.
I still hate how he left me, I take no pleasure in life anymore since he is gone.’
I smile bitterly; ‘Well, I’m 32, I am still single, I am at a point where I wonder of it ever will happen, I might end up alone at this point.’
‘You’re lucky then, child, get a dog, or a cat and whatever you do, don’t get attached to anyone or anything.’
She looks around and takes a deep breath of the frosty morning.
‘What do you think, Sarah, shall we head back and see who is still alive on the boulevard of broken dreams?’
‘Sure, Susan, I’m getting quite hungry as well. Well dear, enjoy your day and enjoy your life, it was nice talking to you.’
‘Thank you, and thank you for telling me the story, good luck on everything.’
They nodded friendly and got up, their old bodies moving in slow morion, arms linked, as I watch them walk away.
After that morning, I could not help but think of Silvia once in a while.
Wondering if she had done it, if she was Okay, wondering what I would do.
It’s so easy to judge and instead I tried to see the bigger picture, I tried, I never managed to get it, still.
But this is life, this might as well has been a freak accident and the fact the lady feels inclined to take her own life says enough to me, maybe that’s true love as well, in a weird way. Some express their affection by forever being angry at their significant other, but if you bother, means you care and we cannot judge the others ability to love, or express that love.
The weirdest thought came to me; what was I doing when Silvia hit Mel to death, by accident?
I might have been polishing my nails, or take out the trash.
I am writing this down and people die, or take their own lives, or give birth, fall in love, or write, like I am now.
Everyone is the main character in their own story and I do believe we have some sort of say in what butterfly-effect a flap of our wings commence in the chaos we call our life.
I still try to ignore Susan’s advice, because, as much of a void that would be left if the love of my life dies before me, I rather have had the luck of experiencing that for even a second, over a lifetime of solitude.
