Instead of Killing Myself, I Called a Suicide Hotline
Joel Leon.
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I did the same at my place, called a hotline at late night. No one picked up the call. No call back either. Gave me a awakening perspective. You have to clean your own shit as only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches. Just talking about it may feel cathartic for a fleeting time period but sympathy or empathy is not gonna pay the debts or put the food on the table or engage that idle mind with actual work (as we are well aware what the devil does with idle minds) in the long run. If you are gonna take the plunge, see to it that you don’t leave a chance to look back, otherwise there is no redemption from the colossal failure of surviving a suicide attempt. A blessing ignored becomes a curse, life becomes living hell. People will help you initially to get your shit together but knowing well that you are a loose cannon and you will be permanently labeled an asshole which you will realize from the eventual cold treatment. Your conscience becomes your worst enemy. No point of return from there and the only way to cope will be crossing the line of not giving a fuck about anyone’s validation to your existence and accepting to live with yourelf; angels n demons; ideas n litter considered. All things said and if you are still convinced of being a hopeless case then take up the cause of legalizing unconditional euthanasia. Won’t you prefer to die in comfort painlessly!? Fight for ideal anarchy. If animals/pets are privileged for this right why make exception for humans that also because of the macho optimistic tunnel vision of the majority of morally conditioned holier-than-thou jackasses. Oh, the irony of god complex of humans just because we have a screwed-up self-aware conscience/consciousness… whatever. Conscience makes cowards of us all. Ultimately, the flaw of the creator is reflected in the creation and Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

If you’re frightened of dying and... you’re holding on, you’ll see devils tearing your life away. But if you’ve made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. ~ Master Eckhart

Myself when young did eagerly frequent
Doctor and Saint, and heard great argument
About it and about: but evermore
Came out by the same door where in I went.
~ Omar Khayyam

P. S: Promises are meant to be broken not because of the disciplinarian nature of the bond but to release from half-hearted attempts made evident by reality.