I Think I am Broken

Smiling at the sunshine and hoping for a surprise, was how my days used to start

Through all the challenges life threw at me, I always emerged as a hopeful ray

Listening to broken hearts, feeling their pain

Giving them hope and having their back

All these attempts to understand eventually gone in vain

Today, stuck in my personal loop of hell,

I still make the same mistakes over and over again

Not one thing changes,

Funny how I always say 'this time it will be different’

And my destiny would just laugh in my face

I never realized what my soul actually craved

Love was everywhere but that wasn’t what I wanted

I let my soul suffer in silence for so long that, now without the suffering my soul would shatter

Into millions of pieces which I’d pick up while trying to hide them from the world

And the sharp pieces would end up cutting whoever tried to make me whole

Love couldn’t fix me, neither could friendship

All that remains of me after all these years is one shallow empty vessel that has been to many places and known many humans

There’s no more random giggling, no more waking up to sunshine, and no more hoping for surprises

They say that I should be stronger, I should learn to face my problems

But do they know what I am actually facing? All they see is what I choose to show them

All I show is, a glimpse of my crumbled heart

And they say that I could do better

Like it never mattered, why I was hurting in the first place

And they say I should be more positive as if it was my choice to suffer holding on to the thorns that left my soul bleeding

What would they say if they actually knew? Would they tell me to forget?

If erasing that past was so easy, I’d have erased every little memory that led me to where I stand today

At the edge, feeling pointless, loveless, hopeless, while the darkness pitches in

All that remains is one broken me

© Shaik Rohia Munavar