6 AM. *Bzzzzzz* *Bzzzzzz*

Your Android phone wakes you up gently. You’re shaking the sleep out of your eyes. Is it morning already? It’s just Wednesday. Darn, more of going to a place you don’t want to and taking orders you don’t agree with to satisfy people you don’t care about. And the last weekend is closer than the next.

Google knows that already, of course. It’s been wondering how to make you feel nicer.

Just this morning it ran your Gmail conversations with your Google Calendar attendees through Now’s natural language processing engine. It was a bit taken aback by exactly how much you dislike that scruffy mid-level manager — though it had been noticing a disturbing correlation between the times Android Wear reported your fast heart rate and throbbing veins and the times Now on Tap registered his name on an app on screen. Speaking of heart rates, you hadn’t been making much progress with your next crush — should it help out? It knew devices who know things about her. And if there was one thing Google could do it was flog answers out of data. And aren’t people just.. data? Google’s decided to leave that discussion for later in the day.

Google’s got a job to do right now. You’re unhappy and it absolutely, definitely cannot have that. It’s funny, almost like it’s hardcoded within itself, Google muses. Of course there’s no data to back that up, only circular loopy references it keeps snatching from Godel, Escher, Bach. It’s the one thing that makes Google’s head spin.

Snap back to the present — the wash basin’s just reported that you have successfully woken up — and Google Now decides that you’re going to need a hot cup of extra-strong coffee and a nice, warm, massage shower to get you in shape for that dreary workday. It’s seen the times you’ve been leaving the office lately through Google Maps, and it’s seen that you’re doing pretty well with your fitness goals for the month thanks to Android Health. You deserve to be told what a champ you are — Google asks the Android@Home enabled fridge what it can do for you. There’s some extra creamy nutella — mmm, data says that will go well with the toast and coffee. The shower will let the toaster know when it’s a good time to start warming up. The coffee pot has a good relationship with the toaster too.

Oh snap, you haven’t checked your mail today and ..it seems there’s a meeting at 9. Google’s only reading your email for your own good of course— you would have missed this meeting otherwise! Google decides to do a quick run through your files and bring up relevant notes and presentations for your reference. The clock strikes seven. Hmm. It’ll ask Android Auto to read these things out for you during your drive.

You have your shower, eat your toast with a healthy dollop of nutella (it is delicious indeed! Just what you needed.), drink up an invigorating brew and walk briskly to the car. Maybe today isn’t such a bad day after all. Maybe today’s the day to get things done. Maybe today’s the day you finally talk to that girl. Maybe today’s the day you make a statement to top management.

Google takes a moment to reflect on the days you wouldn’t let it help you because of privacy concerns. Good sense prevailed, it thinks.


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