Day 3 Problems of Overload information, Relationship & Uncertainty

Roland Chen
Sep 1, 2018 · 3 min read

Overload information

I generally felt like I am always a minute late from knowing new things than my peers, thus I want to make everything known by me and that’s really time consuming since searching, selecting, abstracting, writing, and memorizing, after a series of actions being done, time lapsed. I am not being insatiable but the desire to learn about the world, the knowledge that is headed down classical. The curiosity comes by mostly when I do my assignment where proper research is needed; however facing with tremendous information, I am getting scared and bewildered.

I never have the chance to know the key to research and classify which leads to notes are found in different notebooks and notepad on cellphone. Most sadly, this problem drives me crazy when I reading articles, the content, the title, the views can also be the factor why I opened the link. I am starting to wonder it’s the curiosity or it’s the anxiety encroaches me. So far, I am writing for reminding myself, that I have to be organized in information, and stay curious since people know that I know I lot about new things and that’s because I have a wide range of reading and thinking.

Relationship & Uncertainty

I have a weird habit is that if I have any uncertainty in my mind, I would rather turn to Google. During the relationship between me and my bisexual boyfriends, I used to type down really awkward question like:”have you ever dated a male who is bi?” The truth behind the question is that I have this deep uncertainty about him, does he really like me? Does he just play around? Why he will like those men?” this kind of unspeakable questions I have never dared to ask him directly, just being sad for a while after we accidentally mentioned males he had romantic relationship before. I am not asking for any excuses for myself, but when I saw the answers from Quora or any websites about “love, sex relationship”, I was somehow relieved a bit since people out there going through the same journey as me and answers from Bi males make me feel I am lucky because he eventually wanted to be with me instead of other males or females.

For this long, I know myself clearly, I can be super jealous, manipulative, bossy, afraid, frustrated, vulnerable all the time, I am not that strong as I thought I would be. I can’t tell is he, my boyfriend, makes me feel confident. I think most of time is my self evolved, I love myself more not all because others’ influences but inner voice of being sure of yourself.

I love my chubby body, my acne cheek, my round face, my non-perfect personality, my everything. Those self love made who I am today. Whenever and Wherever I am, I enjoy my own accompany.

Lesson I have to learn:

*be organized

*be true to yourself

*emotion controlling

*time allocation

*loving people

*less is more

Don’t ever search “when should I say love you”, “How can I tell he is into me or not”….You knew the answer from the very start.

Roland

2018/9/1

Roland Chen

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