Roland Frasier
Nov 3 · 17 min read

The Crutch and The Leash

What you hold onto often holds you back.

The other day I was riding with some friends of mine, including Sarah, who owns an equipment company, and who happened to be driving us all out to dinner.

We were talking about her business, and Sarah told me that she was having some challenges because she was consulting with the equipment company that she used to work for.

“How can I help?” I asked.

“I worked for that company for about 8 years, set up all their systems, hired all their operators, even ran it as General Manager for 3 years,” she said, “and then I went out on my own.”

“They asked me if I’d be willing to stay on as a consultant while I got my new, competing business off the ground.”

“They had contracts with huge companies, so they weren’t really worried about me taking away any of their business.”

She checked the rearview mirror, then looked ahead and continued, “And now the owner is suffering from dementia and his son has taken over.”

“The son is not listening to me, not paying his equipment operators, and things are in the process of falling apart over there.”

Sarah looked troubled as she wrestled with her loyalty to the owner of her old employer and the futility of trying to run that business and hers at the same time, all the time while fighting with the former owner’s son about business issues that she absolutely knew he was handling incorrectly.

Sarah continued, “I just don’t know what to do.”

“I like the cash flow that consulting gig brings me every month, and there are definitely months when I’m really thankful to have it when cash is tight.”

“But, I also know that business is going nowhere and every month I spend working with it, I’m taking time away from building my own business.”

She gave a heavy sigh as she waited for my reply.

“Seems like you’ve got a crutch and a leash situation there,” I said.

Her eyes flashed towards me in the rearview mirror then back to the road ahead, “what do you mean a crutch and a leash situation?”

“Well, when you decided to start your new business, you wanted a hedge, something to let you ease into your own business quickly, so you agreed to consult with your former employer, right?”

“Right” Sarah nodded.

“But then, as time went on, you kept that consulting gig way past the time that you should have let it go and moved on.”

“It went from a springboard to a crutch, and now that crutch isn’t even providing you support any longer.”

“It’s actually holding you back just like a leash, and as long as you stay hitched to it, you’re not going to be able to move forward as fast as you want to.”

I went on, “as I recall, the dictionary defines a crutch something along the lines of being a means of support or assistance that is relied on heavily or excessively.”

“You’re relying too heavily on what was meant to be only a short-term transitional cash flow helper.”

“You think it’s supporting you, but it’s not. It’s actually hurting you.”

“So, now you have that consulting income as a crutch, and at the same time, it’s a leash, because as long as you are devoting your precious time to helping them run their business, you are held back from running yours the way you need to run it.”

“That’s a crutch (the old business you’re still consulting for) and a leash (being held back from really moving forward with your own business) situation if I’ve ever seen one.”

“Oh my god, that’s exactly what is happening!” Sarah said, turning her head towards me in the back seat and swatting her arm at me as she did.

She clenched the wheel and looked intensely at the road ahead as she slipped into a conversation with herself, finally declaring…

“I’m chaining myself to their business while I use it as a crutch, and that chain is like a leash that keeps me from having enough time to really focus on my business like I need to!”

“So, what do I do to fix that?” she asked, sounding a little bit nervous.

“The only way to fix dependence on a crutch is to let it go and start walking without it,” I said.

I scooted forward in the seat so she could see me better, “When you break a leg or hip and need help to walk again, they give you a crutch, right?”

“It reduces the pain having something sturdy to lean on. It also improves your confidence and provides a bit of safety in case your legs give out.”

“In business and in life, we often need help taking big new steps.”

“So, we find ourselves an emotional, or in your case, financial, crutch to lean on.”

“It props us up, reduces some pain that we are afraid to experience, provides a safety net and gives us confidence to take that next step.”

“But, many times we hold on to the crutch too long.”

“We stay in a relationship or partnership long after it’s dead.”

“We know we need to let an employee go when they’re not performing at the level we need them to, but we’re afraid of what it will be like without them there to help us.”

“We wonder if we can find someone new to take their place and fill their shoes, even though they are not filling the shoes we need filled right now.”

“Or, like in your case, we hang on to a client that we know is holding us back, taking too much of our time, because we are afraid of what it will be like if we can’t count on their steady revenue to help support the business during down months.”

“The truth is, even in physical therapy, crutches are intended to be for a short period of rehabilitation, not a thing to be continually relied upon forever.”

“In fact, if you keep using them too long, crutches can damage the nerves under your arms and even lead to paralysis and other health complications.”

“Similarly, an emotional or financial or physical crutch can be a wonderful thing, but no matter what kind of crutch you have it must be for a short period of time with a plan to let it go.”

“Just as a physical crutch used too long can create paralysis, so too can an emotional or financial crutch.”

“When you rely on it too long, it paralyzes you from taking other actions you must take to propel your business and your life forward, and instead of supporting you, it becomes a leash that holds you back from accomplishing anything new, from moving forward to do the things you must do to get to the next level.”

Sarah thought about this for a moment and then burst into tears.

“You’re absolutely right!”

“I’ve been holding on to that consulting gig way too long, hoping that I could get my business to the place where I wouldn’t need it, but all the time I spend helping them save their business, I’m choking the life out of mine by not doing the things I have to do to grow it!”

“I’ve been hoping that if I stayed there long enough, I would also end up picking up all their customers when the original owner retired.”

“But, now I see that he’s planning to transfer the business to his incompetent son, and every day I linger there, I’m hurting my business.”

Her tears quickly gave way to a sigh of relief and a smile.

“I need to throw away that crutch, and get myself off of the leash that I’ve attached myself too, don’t I?”

“It’s your call,” I said, “only you can make that decision.”

“I know,” she said, “and even though it’s going to be tough initially, I know that’s what I have to do now.”

“I’m just trying to help give you perspective, and it sounds like you have a new one now.”

“Do you? Does this help?” I asked.

“Oh, definitely!” she said.

“This is a game changer for me!”

“I’m letting them know that I’m not going to be available to consult any more after 30 days, and then I’m going to really hunker down and get focused on doing the things that I haven’t had time to do to make my business be everything that it can be.”

I was really happy to be able to help Sarah with her challenge.

And, I hope that relating her story might help you with any crutches that have become leashes in your life and business.

If you are in any way leaning on someone or something or waiting for something to happen that seems to always be just out of grasp, whether it’s profitability for your business, a proposal from your love, a promotion from your company or the four drinks you have at dinner to anesthetize yourself before heading home at the end of the day, think about taking action today to break free from your crutches and cut those leashes that hold you back, so that you can have the life you truly deserve.

If you’d like my step-by-step plan for throwing way your crutches and leashes, here’s the same plan I gave Sarah.

You can use it to help make decisions about the projects, situations and people in your life that you may have outgrown and that are now acting as a leash holding you back from achieving your full potential in anything you do.

Step #1: Inquire

Ask yourself these 5 questions…

1. What things are you doing right now in your life and business that you don’t want to do or don’t enjoy doing?

For example, maybe you hate getting up every morning because you don’t enjoy your job, or maybe that business that you started has become a drag on your life because it hasn’t turned out the way you thought it would.

2. What are the tasks that you hate, the jobs you loathe?

For example, maybe you hate paying the bills every month, or your job requires too much travel that keeps you away from your family and you’d like to stop traveling so much.

There are lots of chores and daily tasks we all do every day in our personal and business lives that we find unpleasant. Identify the offenders here!

3. What are you doing that is not earning you the money you need or want to live the lifestyle you desire?

Does your current job or business provide you the money you want and need to maintain the lifestyle you want?

Is it capable of providing that income? If not, add it to the list here and now.

4. Who is someone you work for or who is working for you in your business or is in your personal life that no longer adds the joy or value that you want from them?

Anyone who does not bring joy and value to your life really doesn’t belong in it.

Let’s make a list here of all those you find taxing, unpleasant to be around or otherwise not your choice for someone you would spend time with outside of any current obligatory situations.

5. Who has values that you know do not match with yours and aren’t likely to any time soon, if ever?

Is there anyone in your personal or business life who just doesn’t see eye-to-eye with you on a moral basis?

We all know someone who is less than ethical or who is comfortable operating outside of integrity with themselves, our social circles, professional situations or even society itself.

Put them on the list now.

Step #2: Identify

Make a list of things to stop doing and relationships to end from your answers to the five questions above.

Just take the list you made above and review it to verify that these are in fact tasks, situations, and people that you want out of your life.

When you have the final post-review list, you have identified all of the crutches in your life that have now become leashes.

Step #3: Visualize

One of the most powerful things that we can do to position ourselves to attain what we want is to visualize what it will be like once we have it at some time in the future.

Behavioral scientists often call this “future-pacing” because we place ourselves in the future and see how wonderful our lives will be then when we have what we want.

If you’re going to throw away the crutch/leash list you created in steps 1 and 2 above, you’re going to need some help getting motivated to take the actions to make it happen.

That’s where visualization comes in.

For each item or person on your list, close your eyes and imagine your life one year from today without that item or person in it.

Take a minute and really paint the picture of how much happier, joyful, profitable and/or fulfilling your life will be once you have eliminated the crutch/leash.

Now, hold on to that as we move to step #4.

Step #4: Prepare

Ending a relationship, whether it is with a substance like alcohol or drugs, a person, like an abusive ex or a partner, friend, love or employee, is one of the hardest things that we as humans have to do.

One of the reasons that we have emotional, financial and professional crutches is that we are all programmed to seek pleasure and avoid pain.

The crutch, no matter how binding a leash it has become, did at one time and to some extent still does provide you with some payoff, financially or emotionally.

In the example with Sarah above, there was a financial payoff and a financial price.

The consulting gig provided her with additional income that she wanted and needed to keep her other competing business afloat.

If also provided an emotional payoff.

She has the peace of mind emotionally of knowing that she wouldn’t have to worry about at least the amount of money that consulting job paid her every single month.

But there was a financial and emotional price to the consulting gig crutch as well.

The consulting gig was a leash that kept Sarah from ever being able to have a breakout income in her own business because working for her former employer only paid enough to help with some of the expenses of her business, but it took a significant amount of her time.

Ultimately, Sarah realized that the consulting income was actually costing her 5 to 10 times that amount in lost business she did not book because of not being available to market or service that business due to her time devoted to the consulting gig.

Similarly, there was an emotional price of knowing that the consulting gig was the reason that Sarah’s business growth had been flat for the past several years.

She was emotionally drained by working two jobs and never really getting ahead, never having the financial pressure removed.

You have to prepare yourself for the ZMOT, that zero moment of truth, when you will take the action to throw away the crutch and cut the leash.

The best way that I have found to do that is to prepare by making notes of what you want to say to the person you have to tell about the ending of the non-performing relationship that you want to end, and then rehearsing the conversation in your head.

So, for each item or person on your list, write out what you want to say.

EXAMPLE #1: THROWING AWAY A RELATIONSHIP CRUTCH BY CUTTING THE LEASH

For example, if you want to tell the person you are dating that their values do not match yours, you may write out a list of talking points like this:

1) TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL:

I really love you;

2) POINT OUT THE DISCONNECT:

We have had continuing challenges in our relationship because I want this to move to the next level (exclusivity, engagement, marriage) and we have been stuck in the same place for the past X years with no forward movement to what I really want and need in a relationship;

3) SUMMARIZE THE PAST ACTIONS THAT DID NOT RESOLVE THE SITUATION:

We have talked about this several times and twice now we even broke up for 1 week and 5 weeks but then got back together;

4) EXPLAIN THIS NO LONGER WORKS FOR YOU:

I feel bad about this all the time and I know we want different things and have just been afraid to take action on that, but I know that if we are in this same place a year from now neither of us is going to be happy; and

5) EXPLAIN THE DECISION, IMMEDIATE AND FOLLOW-UP ACTION(S):

So, I have decided that even though I love you and you love me, we need to move on and end this relationship today and go find the right person to give us each what we really want in a relationship.

EXAMPLE #2: THROWING AWAY AN INCOME CRUTCH BY CUTTING THE LEASH

For example, if you want to tell the consulting client that you are working with who started as a crutch to provide much-needed income, but who has now become a leash stopping you from getting more and better-suited clients to generate even more income:

1) TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL:

You’ve been a really important and valued client for all these years, and I truly appreciate all that we have been able to do together;

2) POINT OUT THE DISCONNECT:

As my business has grown over the years, I realize that I need to move in a different direction from consulting with you, because the time that I spend working on your business is time that I cannot spend working on mine.

Also, we are competing for some of the same clients and I want to begin marketing and advertising more aggressively, and it would not be fair to you for me to continue in this role and have such a strong conflict of interest that I don’t believe I can resolve in my head.

3) SUMMARIZE THE PAST ACTIONS THAT DID NOT RESOLVE THE SITUATION:

I’ve tried to move forward with several projects in my business, but each time I have had to abandon them because I did not have enough time to do the consulting work for you while following through on those new projects, and that’s why my business income and growth has been flat for the past 3 years.

4) EXPLAIN THIS NO LONGER WORKS FOR YOU:

I don’t want to feel that I have a conflict of interest that I can’t resolve, and I don’t want to even place myself in a position of being unethical by competing for the same customers I’m supposed to be helping you get in your business if I continue consulting for you.

The current level of income and profits from my business is not enough to allow me to realize my full vision for the company and my own personal lifestyle and goals.

5) EXPLAIN THE DECISION, IMMEDIATE AND FOLLOW-UP ACTION(S):

So, I have decided that even though I really appreciate and value our relationship and the business that we have done together over the years, I need to move on and end this consulting relationship today and go find the right customers and employees to allow me to reach my business and personal goals.

EXAMPLE #3: THROWING AWAY TASK CRUTCH BY CUTTING THE LEASH

When you are not dealing with a specific person, but instead are trying to eliminate a task-based non-personal relationship type crutch, the process is similar, but slightly different, mostly because the honest and tough conversation you must have is with yourself:

1) TELL YOURSELF HOW YOU FEEL:

I’ve been operating this bakery for the past 2 years and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to earn a profit, and it makes me feel like a failure to have something that I started but didn’t stick with and didn’t succeed at;

2) POINT OUT TO YOURSELF THE DISCONNECT:

When I got into the bakery business, I did it because I really wanted to relive the days when I used to work in the kitchen with my grandmother and we would bake all these amazing cookies and pies and cakes and stuff.

I wanted to have the smell of things baking wafting out into the street and luring in droves of customers who would tell me how the smell reminded them of their youth, and they would buy my goodies over and over.

But, instead, this has become a financial and emotional drain. I spend more time paying bills and robbing Peter to pay Paul to stay in business than I do baking, and the customer just aren’t coming in nearly as fast as I thought they would.

Plus, Panera opened up two doors down in the same shopping center and they are taking my business away faster than I can get new people to come in and try my stuff.

3) SUMMARIZE THE PAST ACTIONS THAT DID NOT RESOLVE YOUR SITUATION:

I hired marketing consultants and ad agencies and did charity events and community outreach, but no matter what I do, I can’t seem to figure out how to make enough of a profit at this to stay in business and meet my personal financial goals.

I’m really out of options and at a loss of what I would try next to get things going here.

4) REALIZE THIS NO LONGER WORKS FOR YOU:

I’m not happy now. I’m losing money and can’t stay in business if I can’t pay the bills and run through my savings.

I honestly don’t even enjoy baking pies and cookies anymore and that sucks because it was always something that took me away and re-centered me.

I have to stop and find something else to do.

5) MAKE THE DECISION, IMMEDIATE AND FOLLOW-UP ACTION(S):

So, I’ve decided to shutter the bakery and go work with my uncle in his sports shop. I like him and know that I’ll be happy working with him, plus he keeps telling me how much he needs me there because I’m great at dealing with people and that’s the biggest part of his business.

I can be happy there and he has even offered me a partnership to own part of the business, which would allow me to get back on track for meeting my financial goals.

I’m going to call or visit him today and let him know that I’ve made this decision, then I’m calling my landlord and letting them know to start looking for someone else to take over the bakery or the lease it has.

Step #5: Act (Throw + Cut)

Now, set a time to have a conversation with whoever you need to communicate with to take the action of throwing away the crutch you’ve been relying on and cut the leash that has been holding you back.

Before you have the conversation though, take the time to re-visualize as you did in Step #3 above, immediately before you have the ending conversation.

Then, follow your 5-step communication plan that you outlined in Step #4 above and have the ending conversation with whoever you need to have it with.

If this is a task-based thing and YOU are the person you need to have the conversation with then, get ready and actually go through and play devil’s advocate with yourself, but no matter what run through the process I’ve outlined here.

It may seem like you’re a little crazy as you start talking with yourself, but trust me, the end result is going to be that you will feel you have made a decision and that you’ve made the right one after thinking everything through very clearly and logically.

This will help you to take the action you need to take now in Step #5.

Remember that the end result of this conversation is that you are no longer going to be in the relationship that is under-performing.

Your goal should be that at the end of the Step-5 conversation, you are free forever of the crutch/leash you wanted to eliminate with no chance of going back.

CONCLUSION

Throughout our lives there will be people, situations, jobs, customers and more that serve as a crutch to support our dreams, goals, needs and desires.

Similarly, almost all of these will eventually become a leash that holds us back from achieving our true potential, our bliss.

If you want to accelerate your ultimate happiness and success, you will need to have a process for ending the things that no longer serve you, to throw away the crutches that you used to prop yourself up, and to cut the leashes that they have become that bind you and constrain you from realizing all that you desire.

Now that you are thinking consciously and intentionally about recognizing these crutch and leash situations, you can begin to take action to eliminate them more frequently and more quickly, which will ultimately allow you to move forward much faster than before.

And, now that you have a process for dealing with the sometimes-difficult task of making the cuts, you should be much better prepared to take action quickly as well once you do recognize a crutch and leash situation.

Enjoy standing on your own two feet, taking giant steps without a crutch, and being free of any leash that has been holding you back on your path to everything you want and can be.

Just always remember… “What you hold onto often holds you back!”

Please comment and share what crutches are you leaning on that have become a leash that is holding you back, and what will you do to change that?

If you’d like more of this kind of stuff, please check out and subscribe to my Business Lunch Podcast on iTunes

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/business-lunch-with-roland-frasier/id1442654104

Roland Frasier

Written by

Business and marketing strategist and investor. Http://RolandFrasier.com

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