My Plan To Stop Worrying About My Future and Start Creating Something!
Two months ago, after a long time of sensing that I needed to make room within my life and myself for new opportunities to arrive, I quit my full time job in Social Media and PR and flung myself out into vacant time and space. It was a dramatic invitation sent out into the ether and I had many moments of questioning my decision. Times when prickly panic would crawl under my skin and the mind would flip the switch on those familiar memorized programs: “wtf are you going to do?/but how will you make money?/how will your ever be ‘successful’?” Sometimes I’d laugh at them and sometimes I’d cry, but I’d reground in the knowledge that I didn’t want to keep working in something that I wasn’t one-hundred percent committed to, that was anything other than what my inner voice was whispering. It was in this period following my resignation that I was empowered with the realization that my commitment to happiness takes priority over most everything else in life.
I didn’t quit with no plan at all. I wanted to focus on experiencing and testing out all the things I didn’t have time for when I was working everyday, drained from trying to squeeze everything in. But the past two months have flown by, and the truth is, I’ve reached a point where I am actively questioning again, asking myself what is it that I am actually doing with my time, and whether I am being as productive and purposeful as I know I am capable.
These questions bring up deeply rooted feelings of inadequacy and waves of self-doubt that envelope me. I move between contentment and gratitude for this time and opportunity to work on myself, to feeling lost and unmotivated in knowing where to go next. In the search for finding what it is that I truly want to do, I often catch myself comparing my journey to other’s that I consider “successful” in the fields I’m pursuing. It’s paralysing, making it all seem out of reach and fogging up the clarity of my own vision. When I notice these thoughts, I often hear my mama’s voice quoting Osho: “Get out of your own way!” And so far, this is all just compounded by the recognition that I’m in this ineffective cycle of thinking that keeps relooping: I’ve created space to discover what it is I want to do / I feel overwhelmed by the enormity of creating a valuable business in a world where it feels like everyone is already doing something great / I realize that the way to change this is to do something about it / Again, I give myself time to figure out what to do… And on and on it goes…
I need to do something to break the loop. So, with the help of my incredibly loving and inspiring husband Eduardo Morales, I have devised a month-long challenge to change the pattern and just do something! I’ve reached a point in my life where I know I want to help others in their own healing. This is a vague and somewhat daunting concept, but I need to start somewhere. Two things that I can offer *tomorrow* that will launch me on this path are a Personalized Ceremony Workshop and Plant-Based Transition Coaching. These are two of the most profoundly helpful and healing things I have discovered, and through my own practice, are the tools that have assisted me in living a more peaceful and fulfilled life.
To start reaching others, I will share one recipe, how-to or other insight on my Instagram and Medium accounts every day for the next 30 days. And as a way to hold myself accountable, I am writing this first article to express my feelings and share The Plan. Frankly, this is terrifying for me. But just by publishing it, I am forcing myself to make it real. I am being pushed through those walls of low self-esteem and challenged to let go of the idea that everything I create has to be my “best work” — to put something out there that isn’t necessarily perfect and that will probably often not be exactly as I want it. But I trust that it will help me begin to figure out what it is I do want.
Through this month-long process, I will commit myself to speak only from my own experience and share from the place of what I have gone through and what has helped me, with the hope that it might help others. My intention in this journey (and the macrocosm of my life-journey) is to walk my talk, and vice versa.
Lastly, because helping others first requires understanding their needs, I ask that you please give me your honest feedback and suggestions about anything you, or anyone you know, would find particularly helpful when it comes to starting a daily ceremonial practice or transitioning to a plant-based lifestyle. I will do my best to meet you there.
In love and gratitude for you and for taking the time to read this. I am deeply thankful for the unconditional support from this Earth, from Spirit, my Love, and the Community around me, and for all I have been provided.
Sat nam! Aho! Blessed be! And so it shall be or better!
“You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.” — Shrii Shrii Anandamurti