Pick your battles
You don’t belong to anyone.
You are yours. You owe your decisions. You are the only one to blame.
Better yet, I am mine. Therefore, I know what I need, what will hurt me and make me weak. Don’t touch my bottons. I am strong, strong AF but I’m not always like that, there are some topics that will make me sad. Those are the areas where you should be careful.
Careful? Yes. And that’s where you need to know which battles to pick.
In a relationship, there’s no solo, it is a win or a lost for both parties. You are responsible for which of those turns out. Play in the same team.
There has been some situations in which I have to say sorry, even when I regret nothing, when I truly believe I did nothing wrong, still, I say sorry. Saying sorry is only the beginning, because words mean shit. Actions are what matters. I have to prove that I will not make that mistake twice, I have to regain your trust, I have to fucking move mountains.
Why? Because that’s what winning means.
There will be battles that I’m not willing to say sorry, because some battles are meant to be fought. So, how do I know which ones fight?
I know which ones don’t fight, they usualy involve a personal issue that I can’t understand, as much as I try to empatize, I just can’t. I keep on asking questions and if at it the end, is something that my partner NEEDS, I just have to settle down for a win for both.
Another question to ask myself is:
Is it worth it?
If the answer is no, well, I might as well start to say sorry for whatever is that I did.
Which ones do I fight?
When in doubt if it’s worth it, start asking questions, like:
Why is my partner feeling this way? Knowing my partner, their feelings should be these ones, so, did I think this through? Maybe this would not bother me at all, but, will this matter to them?
Still, not bonding, not fucking way you will accept whatever is happening. Calm time is on the way. You need to wait for the situation to calm down before we say something stupid that we will regret. Afterwards, talk, just talk like two human beings, discuss the different points of view, and agree in something in between.
Pick your battles, you know which ones you will win, the ones that would probably loose, avoid them and just give up by accepting “you did something wrong”.
