The Dull Anchor
I read an article on Sleep Paralysis. It happens to me quite often. The feeling of your mind being aware that you’re not able to move a single part of your limbs, eyes, mouth, etc. is terrifying. You want to mutter “Help,” but you can’t even manage to do that. The article said that these episodes usually occur due to sleep deprivasion. I sleep fine, in my opinion. It’s gotten better since school ended, I sleep with peace rather than anxiety. Looking through the how to’s and do not’s, I came upon number ten. The article said there were only nine tips, but they said number ten was the most effective way to cope.
“Look within yourself and find an admirable figure; God, a higher spirit, or a special someone.”
I groaned and fell back on my bed. I would say this is bullshit, but it wasn’t because that’s what I’ve done to cope with my past episodes. And of course, that special someone kept me anchored.
I hate it though because that shows that I’m not over you. Even during my unconscious state I still look to you for safety and comfort. I hate how I crave to melt through your fingers in order for you to somehow catch those drops with your other hand. I hate how you probably know that I want this, but would let me fall to the ground, instead.
I really, really hate how eventhough I know this is all wrong to desire, I don’t try to push it away because I’d rather think of you than try to find another way to come out of my numbness.