The First One

It’s been two years from today where I experienced the first hit.

I was listening to him spurring so many curse words out of anger and frustration to me. None of them were about me, but to the girl that kept breaking your heart. It was no one’s fault, really. I couldn’t really tell if it was his or hers. I wouldn’t care 30 seconds later.

He started hypervenalating and I was terrified. Never have I been put in a situation having to calm down someone so hysteric. It broke my heart and hell, what was I supposed to do? Tell him to calm down? Take deep breaths? Reassure him that it’ll all be okay? We both knew that would just add to the anger and frustration. I tried to hold you. Usually, when he held me, I would instantly calm down and felt sheltered and safe. That’s when everything got flipped upside down. I was pushed off the bed, landing on my side. At first, I thought it was an accident. He kept repeating “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.” Of course I’d believe him.

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