It’s all about the connection with others

The last three days I have spent a lot of time connecting with others. I have been babysitting my nephew, talking with my sisters, Skype with my in laws, chatting with friends. This week has been all about connecting with others and I have learned a lot about it.

I arrived to Canada 2 years ago, I was warned about the winter in Canada, but I really thought it wouldn’t make a really big difference in myself. I was wrong. For some years I have dealt with anxiety, and it seems like the long winter has not helped.

Also, migrating is a really stressful process. You feel very vulnerable. All of the paperwork plus missing part of for family can be tough. And when you add bad weather to the equation… not good.

The past few weeks I have been feeling a bit off. Nothing really serious, but I’m irritable and down. I think it might be a combination of all the things going on in my life right now.

I started to lose interest and motivation in things I usually enjoy. Exercising is feeling like an impossible task and I really just feel like staying in the couch all day watching TV. Working from home doesn’t make it easier, since I don’t really have to get dressed and go out.

I felt like I was in a down spiral and I didn’t like where it was going. I tried to apply what I learned in therapy, all of he skills and knowledge. It did work, but not as much as I expected or needed.

My sisters asked me for a couple of favours, which required for me to get up, get dressed and get out of the house. Family and helping others are really important values for me, so of course said yes. And I’m so glad I did.

I’m not only happy because I was able to help then out, but because it actually helped me a lot. It not only stopped the down spiral, but it actually gave me a little kick up.

Now I know that what I needed was that push and that it was not coming from inside, I needed a push for the outside. Playing with my nephew and talking to my sisters has been really nice, now I feel like I’m in a spiral, but up.

I was watching a TED talk about study that proved that the most important thing in our life is the relationships we establish with others. They study the life of men and women through out their life, their health, income, happiness, relationships. They discovered that health and a long life are not related to money or even genetics, they are related to the relationships that you form. The subjects that had steady and trust worthy relationships, were healthier and happier.

It all comes to the relationships and this week I was able to prove that. It wasn’t the fact that I had to go out that helped me to feel better, because I could have done that myself, but I didn’t have the motivation to do it. It was actually my willing to help my sisters what was stronger than the motivation. Wanting to help them was what I needed to get that extra push.

I think we don’t really realize how important it is to feel connected to others, but we really need it. For me it was the kick I needed to get out of the blue, but I’m sure it is what we need for much more.

Lately there has been a big boom about being independent, about not needing others, about just needing yourself to find happiness. I don’t believe this is true, but it makes sense that we are afraid of these needs. They make us feel vulnerable and we don’t like that. But trying to deny those needs make them even worse. Because then we feel bad about having those needs, we feel bad about not being independent and strong. I say we need to embrace that vulnerability, of course it is scary, but isn’t every amazing thing scary at some point?

Let’s fight that sense of vulnerability not by denying that need of connection, but by creating deeper relationships. Brene Brown talks about getting into the arena, about being vulnerable but brave. I join her, let’s jump into the arena of needing others. Some people might look us as crazy people, but some might be just what we need. I believe in the arena we can find those deep connections we do desperately need.


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