Douglas Adams told us about Trump

Since I was 14, I was in love with Douglas Adams’ “Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy”. I remember googling him, and finding out he had passed away, like, 3 years ago at that time. But reading his series was such a happy moment.

[Fast-forward from 2004 to 2015]

But, — and here’s a big but, double t, making it butt, a.k.a asshole — Donald Trump’s campaign came along. I fucking hated his ass since The Apprentice days. He’s always been disrespectful to basically anyone who isn’t him. And I’m not even talking about “who ain’t white straight male”. Black, white, woman, man, muslim, Mexican, democrat, republican, anything goes for him. You remember the primaries, don’t you? The man insulted Ted Cruz’s wife as “ugly”. That’s some Eric Cartman shit. The man insulted Ted Cruz saying his father was somehow involved in JFK assassination.

Of course, he was nice to white men that didn’t cross his line.

“If he says great things about me, I’m going to say great things about him. I’ve already said, he is really very much of a leader. I mean, you can say, ‘Oh, isn’t that a terrible thing’ — the man has very strong control over a country.”

Trump on Putin.

He was even nice to white men that did crossed his line, but now are more “cool with Donny.”

“Don’t you call me a whore, neither a prostitute! Look at this fancy dinner! I’m an ESCORT!” — Mitt Romney

You know, once the beef was over, even Jay-Z and NaS made songs together.

By the way, I fucking hated when rappers compared themselves to Trump, with lines like “I got Trump money.” Nah, Mr/Miss Rapper, you ain’t got “Trump money”. The way I see it, you rapped your way into financial success. Trump got a giant ass loan from his daddy. How much? $14 million.

How many records and concert tickets Snoop Dogg had to sell to get that cash? I don’t think Eminem or Biggie Smalls had $14 million loans from their daddies to put their first albums out.

And looking at Trump’s campaign since 2015, suddenly I remembered a quote from “Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy”. Look at this excerpt from the book:

The President is very much a figurehead — he wields no real power whatsoever. For this reason the President is always a controversial choice, always an infuriating but fascinating character. His job is not to wield power but to draw attention away from it. On those criteria Zaphod Beeblebrox is one of the most successful Presidents the Galaxy has ever had- he has already spent two of his ten presidential years in prison for fraud.

Let’s break it down:

“The President is very much a figurehead — he wields no real power whatsoever.”
What’s left to do? Grab women’s genitals?

When asked about what Trump would be actually doing, his son, Donald Jr - highly involved in the campaign duties — replied with:

Making America great again.

…. ok, creepy kid.

Carry on, Mr Adams:

For this reason the President is always a controversial choice, always an infuriating but fascinating character. (…) On those criteria Zaphod Beeblebrox is one of the most successful Presidents the Galaxy has ever had- he has already spent two of his ten presidential years in prison for fraud.
This is just the 1st screenshot, there’s more coming:

DUDE HAS A WIKIPEDIA PAGE JUST FOR HIS LEGAL TROUBLES. LIL WAYNE AIN’T GOT ONE!

I think it’s insane that Zaphod Beeblebrox spent two of his presidential years in prison for fraud and still managed to continue being the president. If only he had $25 million, that would’ve saved his ass!

“I had the money to pay for fraud lawsuit. That makes me a genius.”

And I saved the best for last. My favorite quote about Trump. I mean, Zaphod.

His job is not to wield power but to draw attention away from it.
“Power” as in “White Power”.

So there it goes: Douglas Adams warned us decades ago about President Trump. It sounded funny. Now for me it’s just some Nostradamus shit.

And you know: behind every joke, there’s some truth.

Happy 2017, America!