Let’s Be Friends!

Ronan Takagi
Jul 28, 2017 · 2 min read
We’re like peas in a pod. Or two weird human cutouts in a giant speech bubble. Same, same!

I find it disconcerting how aggressive Facebook is at suggesting people for me to be friends with. Most of the people I’ve never met. At first, I wasn’t sure about friending them, but I’ve decided to submit to the will of Facebook’s algorithm and friend everyone and anything it suggests. Bill Smithers with whom I have zero mutual friends? Sure! Rochester Skin Care Vitalization? Why not?

My outlook has led to some weary messages from people along the lines of “Do I know you?” I respond honestly with, “I don’t believe so,” which is usually followed by silence and a non-acceptance of my friend request. The funny thing is this breaks down neatly by gender. Men are quick to friend me, even when it’s clear they don’t actually know me in real life. Women are much more cautious, either ignoring my request or trying to get confirmation that I’m not some Internet stalker.

I’m not sure what the end game is for my Facebook account, but I have one since I’ve read it’s an important tool for writers to have. We must curate our account and meticulously tend to it like a bonsai tree or a chinchilla. That seems like a lot of work. Instead, I’m going to treat mine like a rabid bacterial growth and let it bloom organically and unchecked into whatever it wants to be.

On that note, it’s Follow Friday, which means you’re supposed to follow people on social media. Hey, why not follow me? It’ll probably be the third best decision you make all day. Just click here. Come on, it’s easy! Let’s be friends! I promise I won’t bite or pollute your newsfeed with stupid crap. Just cat pictures. Lots and lots of cat pictures. And if you think that’s crap, well, we probably weren’t going to be very good virtual friends anyway.

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