October 6th

I forgot to write a blog yesterday, I have to admit that. Well, a lot has happened since my last blog. I was pretty much wasting time the whole day yesterday. I didn’t get any work done and…you know, I wasn’t any close to being productive.

I had a very long and insightful conversation with Santosh last night. So, this is what happened.

Gosh I need to cut my nails, I don’t feel comfortable typing.

Steven came to my room around 11:30 PM last night and he looked really high. He was talking about smoking weed and he wanted santosh to join him. Well, I don’t really want Santosh to smoke, obviously. So afterwards I talked to Santosh about not going to smoke but he pointed out the fact that I should do the same thing to Steven. But I don’t care about Steven as much as Santosh, since Santosh is my roommate. I was very disappointed when he says that because I thought I’m very important to him but I guess he doesn’t take me as seriously as I do. Then he talked about that I should treat everyone around me equally. But the thing is, I really thought Santosh was very important, cuz he knows what’s up.

When you treat others with a whole heart, others might not do the same.

When you take someone seriously, someone might not take you seriously.

Life lesson learned.

Santosh also talked about me having a lot of potential in social skills and….you know, he suggested me that I should probably spend more time in the Com room with other people. He also talked about how he observe other people’s behavior when he said certain stuff. He said you just gotta watch and learn, and good things would happen. He told me to watch all the details and other people’s reactions so he knows what people like, what people don’t like. In the end, that’s how you fit in. Do the stuff other people like, and become the person that the community accept.

WTF is that, seriously.

I don’t want to become what other people want me to be, I just want to be myself.

But honestly, I’ve been doing it all wrong, totally and completely.

I’ve been acting very docile around my parents to please them, I suppose.

What the fuck are you doing Ronnie? Who the fuck are you?

Jeez I’m getting mad again. My hands are shaking.

I’m probably the fakest motherfucker in the world and I’m laughing at those people who are fake. Well that makes a lot of sense doesn’t it? I just feel that I’m so messed up at this moment. What’s worse is that I just want to stay down here and play with it. I feel like I’m wasting my life and I’m not making anyone else’s life any better.

“If you’re not making other people’s life better, you’re wasting your time.”

That’s a quote by Will Smith, he said it during some interview, as I recall.

At this moment I don’t feel any positive energy or anything else. Everything I need is fullfilled at this moment. I don’t have any motivation to study, work, or do anything but free writing. What’s wrong with me? that’s the question.

Yeah, what’s wrong with you Ronnie?

I just feel like I’m wasting my life and I’m allowing myself to do so.

I just got a D on my math midterm, and I didn’t take any actions to make myself being better at math. Last night I even thought about dropping the class, since today is the last day to drop the class without a W grade.

Why escape the problem instead of trying to solve it, Ronnie?

Ronnie is that you?

Do I still know you Ronnie?

When I woke up this morning I saw OMG took Najin White Shield 3–0 straight. I was happy, I was glad. The joy.

Gogoing really did a fantastic job playing a tanky top laner. He was playing irelia and ryze, two champions that I love a lot and used to play a lot. I like irelia’s gap closer and ryze’s damage and flexibility during teamfights. Like crepo said, “He’s so fucking smart.” Basically Gogoing carried through all three games. He died couple of times and made some mistakes, but those mistakes were recoverable and I think OMG really did a good job doing that. Some crucial shots were called and they excuted perfectly. Gogoing was playing bold and with style. Just like his nickname “大哥”, which literally means “the big brother”, he was the one who took all the damage. Good luck to OMG in getting the championship. I think they deserve it.

Something very interesting happened this afternoon.

So after my writing class as I was heading back to my dorm, I went to check on Dane and Kevin’s room because I want to say what’s up. And as I was talking to Kevin, I saw someone sleeping on Kevin’s bed. So I asked Kevin, I said: “Who the fuck is that?” And it turned out to be Steven. I don’t really know what’s happening until the moment I started to write today’s blog.

We had a meeting in Com room and talked about the matter of Steven being weird lately, and it turned out Steven is going through a really hard time right now. I guess I will pray for him, I understand how that feel. I’ll pray for him. That’s for sure. Even he wasn’t being nice to me, but still, there’s a reason why people call me OJ, right? OJ doesn’t take it personal.

OJ keeps it real.

I think every blog from now on should end like that.

OJ keeps it real.

“Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord is the Rock Eternal.”

—Isaiah 26:4