Thank you for sharing your very real story. As someone who did something of the opposite — left a femdom relationship because the rest of it wasn’t great — it brought back memories. Reading it, I cringed when you related the story of the knife that wasn’t clean enough. I’m sure you know this, but that would be a red flag even if there wasn’t the kink-vanilla mismatch. If your experience will be anything like mine (and your last sentence suggests it will be), you’ll always have some regret but the doubts will fade and you’ll know you made the right choice.