I spent two days planning my trip to Italy. These two days have been the most devastating, overwhelming and scariset experience in my entire life. First of all, I’m super indecisive, before made up my mind, I already spent days and nights on deciding if I’m going to Italy or staying in Span. Secondly, I never traveled like this before. It’s like you gave a second grade student a six grade math homework and expected him to finished it in two days. “Impossibile! ” I could hear an Italian shout it with gesture. As soon as I started to do some research, a lots of words popped out. “Dangerous” “pickpocketing” “chaotic” I turned off my phone, shoving my face in a pillow my face in a pillow
“Do I really want to go ?”
“YES.” I heard my heart gave me a weak but an affirmative answer.
I just broke up with my ex. I was heartbroken and I couldn't eat, sleep or do anything. I know I need this, I need some quality time with myself. Our relationship had keep me distractive from my goals and dreams. Not to mention those arguments, jealousy had almost drained me out. “If fear is the only thing got you concerned, then you should go.” My best friend N told me “ Fear is such a strong emotion. I know you’re afraid of the unknown. But I’ve been traveling alone and nothing bad had ever happened. You just have to be careful. Give it a try. Once you’re out there, you’ll realize how easy and amazing solo travel can be.” With everyone’s witness, I finally booked my flight ticket to Rome and planned to stay five days in Rome and some days in Tuscany. But that just a beginning of my nightmare. What I didn’t know is that I totally got the wrong date. I was gonna avoid the holiday weekend in Italy, instead I had to deal with the crowd of tourist in Rome, trying to find a hostel bed under 70 euro. Once again, Italy beat me. However, this is the time that I learnt about my one of my biggest insecurity. I prefer stayed at one place, one city because I thought moving around was complicated. What if I pushed myself furtherer, to open up more. I could do more research on the transportation and read more guide articles, I’m willing to do anything to make myself feel comfortable and safe. But I don’t want fear and anxiety to stop me from going on this adventure that I’ve been longing for so long. Here’s one of my favorite paragraphy from Big Magic
“Dearest Fear: Creativity and I are about to go on a road trip together. I understand you’ll be joining us, because you always do. I acknowledge that you believe you have an important job to do in my life, and that you take your job seriously. Apparently your job is to induce complete panic whenever I’m about to do anything interesting — and, may I say, you are superb at your job. So by all means, keep doing your job, if you feel you must. But I will also be doing my job on this road trip, which is to work hard and stay focused. And Creativity will be doing its job, which is to remain stimulating and inspiring. There’s plenty of room in this vehicle for all of us, so make yourself at home, but understand this: Creativity and I are the only”
“living a life that is driven more strongly by curiosity than by fear.” So in the end, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I planned a 12days trip to Italy. two days in Rome, and somehow an unexpected stay in Sicily. And during those days in Italy. I found love, answer and I recovered from the heartbreak. It healed me. And just like how Italian would say it “tutto apposto” Everything is going to be alright.
恐懼是什麼，是伸手不見五指的黑暗，還是從懸崖一望而下的深不可測。當我們在迷霧中間嘗試看清。恐懼與害怕包裹在肌膚上一圈一圈。令人無法脫離。生理先反應，頭昏、眼皮跳動、心跳加速、想吐。心裡開始出現好多聲音。「我想逃，我不要。」我想我們在成長的道路上總會遇上這個環節－面對恐懼。
我想我永遠不會忘記決定要去羅馬的那幾天，我坐在客廳的桌子前撕去一張張計畫，塗塗改改了數十次。 我的胃在翻攪，面對有限的預算、水漲船高的房價還有近乎零經驗的自己。我的焦慮和恐慌排山倒海而來。攤在面前的是對獨旅的未知和疑惑，是語言不通和複雜龐大的交通方式。「我真的可以嗎？」我大概問自己數百次這樣的問題。但站在天秤的另一邊，另一種聲音堅定地告訴我，我需要去旅行。我要找回自己。前段感情中磨去太多的自我及產生對對方的依賴，我仰賴著感情給我的勇氣和安全感。所以回歸自己又是如此重要的課題。要去，不管怎麼樣。
面對恐懼的時候，首先我們可以嘗試先冷靜下來，看它的原貌。我的不安全感第一個來自於羅馬背包客房在節慶前的低品質高房價，所以我開始往南尋找更便宜的城市，最後把目標放在拿坡里和西西里島。方向穩定之後，我開始著手研究城市間的複雜的交通方式。從中文網站查到英文，終於能在國鐵、郵輪、公車中看到解方。而到這裡，最後一道關卡只剩下對未知的恐慌。但未知不是件可怕的事情，我們總能換個角度去期待未知帶來的可能性，希冀它是一場很棒的冒險。只要好好的照顧自己，其他的際遇都可以交出去給未知。
恐懼是很強烈的情緒，所以我們常慌了手腳。恐懼是人類大腦為了進化的安全設施，在你有可能搞砸一切時出來阻擋你。但它不應該是阻擋你的那道牆。它是個提醒，像是恐怖電影播放前的那些警語，「這個很恐怖喔，但你如果想知道會怎樣就看吧。」應該要這樣理解。每個人都會有不一樣的恐懼，而面對它需要很大的勇氣。但我們也可以承認它存在並且與它並行，只要主導的還是你，恐懼可以繼續存在沒關係。
