Hello, My name is Tanisha and I’m a Fixer.
I’ve always been the type of woman that likes to fix things. Find an issue that’s “wrong” and “fix” it. From fixing a clock radio to a relationship. I am constantly combing through life with a fine toothed comb. Inspecting every single nonverbal, verbal, “sign”, eye twitch, slight of hand or tongue. Constantly analyzing for anything that could be “fixed”.
I don’t know where my need to fix and figure came from. I just know that I’ve always enjoyed journeys, puzzles, broken things, and modifications. Anything that involves a challenge to reach “perfection”.
My need to “fix” says a lot about the decisions I’ve made in life. This morning, I wondered, what if I gave myself permission to…..not fix things? What if I took away the responsibility of righting all of the wrongs in my life and in others and just let life be as it is? What if I chose to believe that my life is already fixed?
As much as I would like to believe that my life’s purpose is to fix things, people, policies. It isn’t. “Fixing” has become a sick obsession that has hindered me from enjoying life. Instead of embracing what is given to me, I “fix” first. I’m not even sure how I’ve come so far as to think that everything that comes into my life needs fixing. But it’s happening. Even as I type.
Although I am not a “holy roller”, I do believe in the will of God and His purpose for my life and others. So what if I exchanged my need to fix things with the need to live out the plan that God has for me. I honestly don’t even know what He wants for my life. But I figure, if my focus were on that instead of trying to “fix” things, then I would never have to “fix” things. You know?