the “black hole”

I used to have health insurance. Actually, I had health insurance a few times — through various jobs. Sometimes it was really good, other times it was kinda pathetic, but it is always, ALWAYS better than NOT having insurance.

August of 2014 was a SERIOUSLY bad month. Although I’d found out about infidelities and truly astounding heaps of lies over a year before, it was August of 2014 when my second divorce was filed. Right after that, I had to go to the doctor to have all the gross tests one must have when one discovers one might have contracted some horrid diseases from some illiterate skank in….but I digress.

I went, as I said, to the doctor. She did the tests, and discovered I did NOT have an STD. Thank all the gods that be.

I did, however, have early stage cervical cancer.

At the same time, I was desperately scrambling for a job. I applied to THIRTY-ONE places, and was ignored utterly.

In the meantime, I needed insurance, because hello, cancer! Terrifying!

So I applied for the government healthcare assistance.

Since I was unemployed, I only paid a small amount each month for pretty decent insurance. It covered my many doctor visits and a portion of my eventual hysterectomy. (It didn’t cover the VERY EXPENSIVE pathology OR the specialist, but it really, really helped.)

But then.

Then. I finally got a job, in a medical office, and when you have Affordable Healthcare, you HAVE to replace it with employer-supplied insurance if it’s offered.

That insurance was much worse. I just tried not to ever go to the doctor. Happily, I was through the cancer thing and did not have to have follow-up treatments, but it was still a drag to not be able to go see my doctor when something went down.

And then, after less than a year at THAT job, the office closed!

I have not had the best luck with office jobs. THREE of the office jobs I’ve had, the office either closed or downsized half its employees. I seriously thought it was ME, until I started reading James Altucher…

…but the good news is, after that job ended I finally realized that I’m wasted in a secretary position, and I went into business for myself. More on that later.

So, since I now don’t have employer-offered insurance, I tried again to get Affordable Healthcare. This time, I was turned down.

The letter I got was confusing. “Your income is too low to recieve assistance.”

Wait, what?!

I called. “How can my income be too low? Isn’t that what the healthcare assistance is FOR? What about Medicaid? Could I apply for that, instead?”

The gentleman I spoke with was very kind, and explained it to me. Since my children have Medicaid through their father, I cannot get Medicaid myself unless I am disabled. I’m not disabled, and I don’t have kids, according to the Idaho Health folks. But in order to qualify for the tax credit healthcare assistance, I have to have a minimum income of more than I do.

“We call it the black hole,” the gentleman said. “Many, many people fall into the gap between Medicaid coverage and the tax credit assistance. Too poor for assistance, not poor enough for Medicaid.”

Also, and CHECK THIS OUT! According to the Medicaid people, I can’t claim any of my kids, because their father claims them all. But according to the tax credit healthcare assistance people, they DO count my kids, because they live with me full time.

The only way I could address THAT problem is to hire a lawyer and get my custody agreement changed. But I can’t do that.

My kids’ father sued me several times after our divorce. Because of that, the court decided that “we couldn’t get along.” So the court assigned us a “parenting coordinator” whose entire job is to KEEP us out of court. In order to get to court for anything, we first have to “talk about it” via email, with the parenting coordinator reading all the emails, and then he (the pc) tells us to agree on something.

One hundred percent of the time, this means that if my ex wants to dig in his heels about something I feel the kids need, or some change I wish to make, he will get his way. Because my ex knows, all he has to do is refuse to budge, and the coordinator will eventually just tell me to let it go, because he’s not supposed to let us go to court.

I’m in a pretty pickle. I have migraines, am in full-on menopause due to my hysterectomy, have severe tendinitis in both arms, arthritis starting in my shoulders and hands, and am SUPPOSED to be going in for careful checks fairly often because of the danger of cancer re-emerging.

I am not interested in the political side of government healthcare, AT ALL. But it seems patently stupid, to me, the way this is set up.

If I were to decide that I can NO LONGER WORK, because of my shabby health and advancing arthritis, I could then get Medicaid.

As it is, I can’t afford to do the things that are possible, to slow the advance of arthritis, to keep a lookout for any recurrence of cancer, to knock it out right away.

(I’m about to swear, so if you can’t stand swearing, plug your ears a second.)

There’s a great, big, motherfucking chance I WILL END UP DISABLED, simply because I am not claiming disability NOW.

It is a FUCKING STUPID way to set it up. I can totally see, now, why someone would want to just relax into disability, and not try to push ahead and keep working.

I apologize for ever even THINKING anything condescending toward people who rely on disability! I get it now.

Don’t know what I will do — it costs over a hundred dollars just to SEE my doctor, let alone any tests or procedures or drugs or treatments. But hey, “many, many people” are in this black hole with me.

At least I’m not alone.