Why Sexual Violence is Also A Men’s Issue — #HowToChangeTheWorld
You’ve stuck with me over the past few weeks and together we’ve scratched the surface of a very wide variety of interesting topics. With me as your guide, we’ve learned more about business, leadership, modern romance, meditation, habits, parenting, music, college, and more. Although I love writing and thinking about subjects that are honestly just fun to think and write about, I think it’s time we address something heavier. I’m really not qualified to talk about the subject and I’ll do my best to embody that as I write further. Let’s talk about sexual violence, how it’s also a men’s issue, and what we as men can do differently.
I started thinking about this subject when I reviewed the numbers for my first piece ‘Hacking Hookup Culture’. I still ask people at dinner parties about their comfortability using the ‘Can I Kiss You’ question in their own life. And after hearing other peoples’ answers, I’ve learned a bit about why I continue to use the question in my own life. I continue to use the question because I wouldn’t want someone to kiss me if I didn’t want them to. My use of the question is my desperate attempt to trust myself less, initiate a platform for open communication, and consciously take another person’s thoughts and feelings into consideration before we make a memory together. I suspect a percentage of sexual assailants honestly thought they were just reading the room and being forward when they carried out their actions. I vow to work hard to never be one of these people.
Take the following stats with a grain of salt as there are likely a large amount of sexual assault cases that go unreported. If you do some research on the Canadian stats, you’ll learn that 1 in 3 Canadian women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. As appalling and disturbing as this is, a thought progression just as alarming is the realization that for every individual who has suffered a sexual assault, there is a corresponding sexual assailant. And if you look at the same bit of Ontario statistic, in 99% of sexual violence cases the accused perpetrator is male. To every women in the world, I apologize that human history has occurred the way it has and our society struggles with what it does. Let’s dive into my thesis that sexual assault is also a male issue because we know the majority of sexual assailants are men.
We, as men, need to educate ourselves about sexual assault and how we can be part of the solution and not the problem. Whether it’s in our homes, schools, workplaces, offices, locker rooms, and any other setting where we are told what it means to be a man and what traditional masculine traits are, we need to have the courage to think different. It is the responsibility of every man to challenge and rethink traditional notions of masculinity and work to embody traits that one does not commonly associate with being male. No one else can create a culture of continuous learning and conciseness then ourselves.
Some small actions we can take (regardless of our gender) is to encourage our loved ones who have been affected to seek the help they need, be careful and conscious when initiating intimacy, and correct our peers when it is evident they are mistaken. I can’t speak for you, but I will work tirelessly so one day I can yes, raise my daughter more like people raise their sons, but raise my son more like people raise their daughters. I want to have a son and a daughter that can flourish in a society where they are both free to laugh, play, work, dance, sport, and lead. I’m excited to be part of the solution and hopefully engineer a better world with you by my side.
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