Date One: Sober Tinder Dating
First date down. What have I learned?
*disclaimer* the names have been changed. But if you read this and you’re mentioned, sorry if this makes you uncomfortable. This blog is part one in a series. To find out why I decided to put down alcohol and sober tinder date go here for some background.

Sampson, Spanish, 25, Investment Banker.
Key quote from the date “I’m tired, can I stay over? I can’t be bothered to get an Uber right now.”
So here it is, my first actual sober date. I spent the entire day working from home and it’s easy to say I had a few nervous poos. I hate texting so we had hardly spoken before hand, in hind sight this made my anxiety worse. I sat on my bed doing my make up….and I was itching for a shot of vodka. Anything to make the mild shakes go away.
We ended up going to a park near mine and sat chatting away. He turned up from straight work so he had a smart suit on. I wasn’t prepared for this. He was dressed so smart, and yes he wasn’t tremendously tall so my anxiety was off the chart. The suit made me feel awkward because men in suits intimidate me, don’t know why but they do. One part of me felt like running away the other stood strong and internally said ‘I don’t give a fuck!’.
I should have run away.
After the usual chatter about what we do and our childhood, we did find we had some things in common. But honestly I was not feeling it, but as the date progressed he had a total of three beers and by the third, he told me about how much he earns and started to find loose reasons as to why our childhood was sooooo similar. His loose connections as to why we were so similar made me die inside. I wasn’t attracted to him and didn’t find our conversation that fun which isn’t me being a knob I’m just being honest. But the definitive thing I learned from this date was that I knew inside, that if I was drinking with him I would have ‘grown’ to like the look of him. Beer goggles is a real thing yo. And I asked myself…how many dates had I been on where I wasn’t 100% into the guy but stayed till the end? Where the conversation was a little difficult but in the name of ‘having fun’ I drank and drank in order to ‘let go’? How unhealthy is it to drink so much that you’re giving yourself an excuse to perhaps sleep with someone? Even though you originally didn’t intend of sleeping with them?
The pub we were in started to fill so it was getting hard to hear each other. We moved outside and he asked ‘shall we go back to yours to get more beers?’ I look at him from the side of my neck…you for real mate? You want ME to give you free booze and let you into my flat? So I flat out said to him ‘look you’re cool but I’m not going to sleep with you.’ To which he responded ‘oh yeah, don’t worry I wasn’t expecting you to.’ But even though I was sober….a part of me was like ‘meh fuck it’ it could be good to hang out with him some more. And if I don’t feel comfortable I can just ask him to leave. Right?
BIG MISTAKE. If someone is determined to sleep with you THEY WILL TRY THEIR LUCK. So we got back to mine and chatted a bit more. He had a beer from my fridge *I get sent free beers for my work* and at around 12:30 I got into my scruffy unflattering pj’s and said “hey it’s late I’d like to go to sleep now you ok to find your way home or shall I get you an Uber?” He yawned, stretched his arms out and said “can I stay over? I can’t be bothered to get an Uber now”. The cheek. So I told him again, “Hey for real I’m not going to sleep with you. I’d prefer if you left.” No response. He then said “I’m just reallllly tired”. I replied that I didn’t feel comfortable with him staying over. “Please.” He responded.
I thought to myself ‘Meh, whatever mate you have it your way’. I turned off the lights, rolled over and about 10 mins later felt his body draw closer to mine…and I felt my spine stiffen. Never before had I felt so uncomfortable in a bed with a guy since my best friend shoved his smelly feet into my face….
I frozen inside as I felt him get closer to me, I was so confused and oddly intimidated. Then this prick started to play with my hair so I cleared my throat and said: “mate, what do you think you’re doing?” He replied with a pathetic “of yeah, sorry you’re right.” At 6:30 am my alarm went off and I sprung out of bed, gestured to the bedroom door and asked him if he could leave.
He then called an Uber. I was fuming.
He left and I’ve not texted him since. The big thing I learned from this date, sober dating can be done…unless the person sitting opposite you is a knob. I also cannot forgive myself for letting him sleep in my bed, why I didn’t stand my ground escapes me. Maybe one part of me was hoping we could get on more but my gut was screaming ‘get him out’.
From this date, I learned four valuable things:
1- Tell them beforehand you’re not drinking.
2- Find an alternative destination for my next date, this way I can avoid the expectation of drinking.
3- Bar dates apparently means you’re DTF…..who knew?
4- If you tell a guy you’re not DTF and he doesn’t respect that and pursues you. Kick him the fuck out of your life because, girl, he’s a fuck boy.
