Invisible disability of autism

The pandemic has put a spotlight on invisible disabilities, as some of us are unable to wear masks yet look physically okay. This has got me thinking a lot about my disability and what it looks like to the outside world.

I know that I can stand in a room and ‘pass’ as abled. But the question is, do I want to? I wore the sunflower lanyard when masks were mandatory, and it gave me a sense of freedom. While some argued that we shouldn’t need to identify ourselves as disabled, I quietly liked it. I liked being able to walk into a busy shop and it be obvious I struggled with things. This is, of course, predominantly down to living in a country that has an expectation on businesses and employees to be accessible to everyone, including those with invisible disabilities.

I have spent my life being judged for being rude and ignorant. For the first time I felt like I could be myself and any decent person would make allowances for that based on my lanyard showing I had a disability. I have always been keen to disclose my disability because my theory is that most people are kind, and they want to understand and help. Anyone that doesn’t, really isn’t worth my worry.

But masks aren’t mandatory anymore. That protective shield I felt wearing a lanyard has slipped away. I’m back to looking ‘normal’ but being unable to do many things, especially outside of the home. While I could still choose to wear a lanyard, this is something I didn’t want to do prior to the pandemic and still don’t want to do.