Suffocated mind and body.

I sometimes look at myself and I don’t like what I see, I sometimes look at myself and I think I’m a disappointment, I Sometimes wonder if my parents think I’m useless but then I look at myself and I think, yes. I’m worthless and all I do is bother everyone around me, I’m busy saving everybody else but I can’t fucking save myself. I worked hard on trying to be better, but recovery is a fucking lie because no matter how hard you try to change, it will always be easy to go back to old habits. Every day I feel like in one of those moments where you have to take a deep breathe before talking because you are about to burst in tears.. I’m depressed, I can feel this darkness eating my inside, eating my will to live and all I can do is feel it. It’s hard to love yourself when you keep failing at things, even too stupid to do regular daily life tasks right. I’ve realized that I’m becoming less and less important everyday, Why I feel so useless? I don’t want to deal with this. I’m tired of crying, I’m tired of caring, I’m tired of trying, I’m tired of yelling, I’m tired of pretending, I’m tired feeling worthless, I’m just tired.. Sometimes it feels better not to talk, at all. And suddenly nothing matters anymore, all I wanna do is sleep forever.