I’m learning to draw

I don’t want to learn how to draw, I just want to be able to draw.

I’ve been learning how to draw lately and it’s frustrating.

To picture exactly what I want to draw and then observe what my hands actually do is really annoying.

I don’t want to learn how to draw, I just want to be able to draw. That sounds really lazy but it’s the truth. So I have started to ask myself why I feel this way because it’s not just with drawing that I feel like this.

I don’t like being shit at something

I think I’m relatively good at a few things like skateboarding, surfing, and making websites.

But I noticed recently that I’ve been resisting to try or learn anything different. I have desires and creative endeavours that I do not pursue because I know that initially I will be shit at them. And I don’t like being that.

It’s a long time since I’ve learned something new by trying over and over and over again to finally succeed and celebrate.

I only learn within my comfort zone

My comfort zone is the internet. Ever since I built my first website I felt like I had found my playground — I didn’t have anyone to compare myself to and could create without feeling judged by myself or by others.

I’ve learned a lot as a web developer because it’s a fast moving industry. I have no choice but to learn new tools and programming languages often so that I don’t fall behind.

Expanding on things i already know and telling myself i am learning new things is easier than actually learning something completely new.

When I learn something new that is web-related, I receive bite-sized bursts of endorphins and it feels good. But I’ve only learned something ‘new’ by applying what I already know in a different way. Like someone learning how to ride a motorbike when they already know how to ride a bicycle. It’s different but kind of the same.

Expanding on things I already know and telling myself I am learning new things is easier than actually learning something completely new.

I don’t believe in my hands

Somehow, somewhere, I convinced myself that I am no good with my hands. I can’t build furniture, I don’t do craft, I don’t draw, I am not good at DIY around the house. That’s for people who are good with their hands. Why even try? When I do, it turns out shit.

In reality I know I’m not that bad. But I compare myself to others who are great and that makes me think that I’m not, and never can be. I’m not one of them, and I shouldn’t try to be.

Pulling my ~~finger~~ pencil out

That’s a super sad and sorry state to live in — not persuing something because of the fear that i might fail.

Drawing and art in general has always been something I am interested in pursuing.

I’ve always seen it as something that other people do though. Whenever I tried to draw it didn’t look right and I’ve used that as an excuse to tell myself to give up and build a website instead. Because that’s what I do.

I’ve started teaching myself how to draw because I want to be able to draw, but it’s more than that, I want to learn something completely new that uses my hands.

I’ve been practicing pretty consistantly for 2 months now and can see that I’m improving, which is exciting.

I can confidently say that given enough time I can draw someones face from a photograph which is more than i could say about myself a few weeks ago.

Starting next week, I am going back to the basics — drawing lines, cubes and spheres — I need to learn the fundamentals and perspective. I look forward to being able to draw from my head, not only from photographs.

I find it so interesting that the world around us is just made up of basic shapes. If you can draw a square, rectangle, circle, and triangle then you can draw anything. That’s mind-blowing to me and one day soon I will prove it to myself and finally believe it.