Presidents playing golf. Original photo collage by author; source images found on NPR, CNN, Politico, and Press Enterprise. Links below.

Why I Stay Away from Absolutes

Roxanne Darling
Aug 8, 2017 · 3 min read

Sharing my method for managing the madness of -isms.

There is an absolute criteria for nothing.

Pick a criteria and I believe you will find a spectrum from one extreme to its opposite.

Do some loosely defined “groups” exhibit traits more to one side than the other? Often, yes. Can you find so-called scientific explanations for those distributions? Often, yes. (Is science always correct? No.) Is it a distraction to make statements like “everyone is equal” without providing context? Yes, I think so.

Absolute statements, like “blacks make better athletes” or “women make better nurturers” or “asians make better mathematicians” or “men make better warriors” are never absolutely true, ever. This type of commentary applies only to some women/blacks/asians/men and maybe only when looked at in the aggregate. Sweeping statements like those make an argument weak, full of holes, and vulnerable to “whataboutism.”

It’s as impossible to work with “the aggregate” on a project as it is to make love to “the aggregate” in bed at night. The aggregate is a description of a group of humans; it is not a human. Judging an individual human based on whatever aggregates may apply is faulty logic and easily debunked.

If we’re going to get to a place of understanding, much less change, I believe it’s essential to move away from talking about the aggregate in general and more towards talking about specifics, in context.

Humans, in general, have been genetically wired for fear. (Yes! There are exceptions.) I believe fear of “others” or especially “others who are different” is baked into thousands of years of genetic lineage for many of us, including me. (I can’t prove that; I only observe it in action every single day of my current lifetime.) That means changing pre-conceived notions is not easy or obvious.

Focusing on bell curves or majorities vs. minorities and extracting absolutes from those observations makes an argument untenable. There are always exceptions.

Focusing on bell curves or majorities vs. minorities and extracting absolutes from those observations suggests pre-judging an entire group of people based on a singular superficial attribute. In other words, it suggests operating from a prejudiced POV. (See that word in there, pre-judge?)

Focusing on bell curves or majorities vs. minorities and extracting absolutes from those observations I find boring and a waste of my time.

How do I win friends and influence people? By stating things with as few inconsistencies and discrepancies as possible. All of the people re-posting the president’s discrepancies about golf and vacations are pretending there’s an absolute criteria for something like golf. (Ditto for women and programming.)

It’s not really about golf or vacations being good or bad. It’s about, “I don’t like that person” or “I don’t like how that person is governing.” Instead of stating that plainly, people use external characteristics for cover. Which means the argument is always going to be full of holes. Because…

There is an absolute criteria for nothing.

It’s neither good nor bad to play golf while president. Of course, you and I are entitled to have and share our opinions about how much golf we think a president should play or not. But none of us can ever be absolutely right or wrong because each president is different. Each term and its challenges are different. Other people will disagree. Your preference, however, will always belong to you. ❤️

Consciousness is about context.

Do I believe in myself enough to claim my subjective preferences without having to defend them or run to any sort of science to support them?

Can I live with the consequences of my choices?

Can I change my preferences if I see more of something I want?

Yes, I can.


Thank you for your time and attention today. Feel free to tweet me Roxanne Darling about my preferences – I’m happy to share them with you. I also have a new podcast and an email list. You are invited!


Photo Credits: I created the photo collage above with images sourced from the following articles about presidents and golf:

NPR | CNN | Politico | Press Enterprise

Roxanne Darling

Written by

Writer, artist, host beachwalks.tv, speaker, student of consciousness, geek, interested in the edges.

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