Roxanne Tracy
Jul 28, 2017 · 2 min read

Today is 17 days since i stopped my antidepressents. I feel pretty good. I still get a little fogged up but it is worth it. I dont want to be controlled by a substance.get it controlled substance? Ha not really. It has been 5 years that they basically shoved meds down my throat. I took them because the panic attacks and anxiety got so bad at one point. 5 years it took to stop. I barely took them but i had it in my head that i needed them to be happy. Am i happy? I love my family and my house and life except the obvious my mom and brother. If i could see him one more time i would just tell him i loved him soooo much because i did not say thst enough.I never realized what i had until i lost it. I never realized how much i would miss Matthew. Maybe its because im 29 and am feeling weird because im passing him in age. Our family is so different now. Mike and Val dont really talk to us much. Mostly because they have whitney.i kniw they took a long time to be blessed with her but what the fuck maybe i want to spend the day with her.haha nope that wouls never happen.when shes older ill spend alot of time with her. I miss my mom alot.i miss being able to call her and just talk. Or randomly stop over there and eat her food because she was the absolute best cook ever. I bet things would be different if mom was alive. Even Matt. I dont think Matt would of stayed down that path but im not sure.all i know is i fucking miss his voice and his face and just him.i miss him yelling and picking on me. Ill always cherish our childhood because it was spent with the best guys.