When it’s time to step aside in SJ arguments on social networks.

The world is amazingly chaotic. Trump is running for president, the economy is a mess that we millenials are left to deal with, black lives matter except just not for cops, and women and queer people’s bodies are being policied, it’s not hard to find something to be passionate about and end up arguing in social networks.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that per se. I believe it’s outstanding that we have the ability to feel touched by things even when they don’t affect us directly, I believe it makes us more human. But social networks enhance our hability to speak up on this matters in a way that is easy, fast, and (mostly) safe, which often ends up causing a snowbal effect where a single comment leads to a crazy-long thread of people arguing in the most offensive and innefectiver manner. And what’s worse: sometimes we’re that people and we find ourselves at home with our mood ruined because someone is wrong on the internet.

So I decided to sit down and write a few guidelines for myself in the hopes they would help me avoid repeating that undesirable pattern, hopefully, you’ll find them useful aswell:

1. Teaching must be a work of love: sure we all have the best intentions when we point out how someone could be doing something better if only they did it our way, some of us are so generous we feel compelled to offer our helpful opinion even when people don’t seem to realize they need it. What we need to remind ourselves, though, is sometimes when people don’t seem to know they need help, it’s because they really don’t. Giving others what we have, even knowledge or experience must be a work of love, not a stroke to our ego, so try to not go around telling people their parenting or belief system are wrong; keep your comments to yourself.

1. You can’t talk to the wall: when a conversation on a sensitive or controversial topic is unavoidable, remember arguments serve a social purpose, people explain their opinion and they take the other in considerartion, and ideally, one changes their mind, but it doesn’t always happen that way, sometimes we can agree to dissagree, and the most important cue that it’s time to do that is when the conversation is not being carried out in a respectful, effective manner. If the argument is no longer about the topic but about the people, is time to leave the table, nothing good will come out of it.
2. Context is important: Whatever happens in social networks stays in social networks… Until you do something about it in real life. So unless you are truly having a constructive conversation with someone else that will actually change their offline behaviours in a way or another, arguing with someone online doesn’t make much sense, if a difference won’t be made thanks to it in real life. Start doing more about what you believe in in real life, start arguing less about it in social networks.

1. The self goes first: Wanting to fix the wrongs in the world is not of much use if we get our mood ruined about it, after all, we’re also the world, and nothing good can come out of us if we’re in a violent state of mind. Can’t fight for improving the world when our convictions bring us nothing but negative feelings, that’s what we give others around us, our family, our friends, those who have to deal with us offline. The one way to reach others is through empathy, compassion and example; stressing differences and rejection will do nothing but the opposite. One can’t learn from someone one doesn’t admire. Let your behaviour speak in behalf of your arguments.

So quit your arguing and whining and go out and take a coffee or take a walk or put on some good music, life is short, make it worth it!