Please stop talking, brain.
Am I the only one who freaks out about the potential to come back and live another life after I die? This could just be me having a crisis as I am turning 30 in October and I am NOT okay with it.
I have had some shitty experiences in the past that have lumped me in with domestic violence statistics, and it leaves a mark on you, even after years when you think you have done your healing and have moved on, and blah blah blah. I don’t know if it is because of that, that just makes me freak out about coming back to live another life on Earth. What if the same thing happens.
I’m here, late at night, sitting up in bed, awake, and thinking… what happens when we die. Are we like the Egg Theory where we live every single life on Earth before our final ending and re-awakening as some other being? Do we come back with the same or similar life pattern? What the hell is even a soul? I don’t want to come back. Sure there are happy times and whoo, yeah, great. But I don’t want to be there scared, screaming as someone takes my life. Hell, I don’t even want to be the person who takes the life. Can I just have a one way ticket to cease to exist after this life please.
Yes, I know, it’s probably something so stupid to keep yourself up at night thinking about. But I sit there crying like I’m a 5 year old who doesn’t want to do something. It’s pretty annoying. I’ve tried meditation (great sleep by the way), but it doesn’t take the anxiety away. I’ve tried sleeping pills, talking to people, distracting my mind with stuff playing in the background, tricks to create a story in your head before bed, wind down routines, all of it. And yet, I still freak out. How do I tell my brain I am tired of it’s bullshit and to shut up? Asking for a friend.
I keep putting myself in these scenarios. Being crushed by a steam roller; being chased down the street by a murderer like I’m in some horror film, falling to my death, plane crash, drowning. You name it, probably panicked about it. It’s annoying.
I am so hoping that this goes away as I get older. I really hope this is just me freaking out about my age because I feel like time rushes by too quickly after your 30’s. I am either going to go insane or get over it. I guess only time will tell.
