Flash Epistle Number One
Mike Essig

-10 over here near Chicago. Heater set at 65 last night ran non-stop.

I salted our walkway and our neighbor’s (the guy who fell a couple weeks ago). We curtained (make that “quilted”) off a section of our ranch that’s built over slab which helps keep bedrooms warmer. Of course that also meant transporting the parakeet and guinea pigs to the living room where we have the hermit crabs. It’s friggin’ Charlie Bucket’s house.

I dripped the washing machine before we hit single digits but couldn’t save the pipe to the filtered water dispenser. Kids can drink tap. They need the minerals. If anyone asks for icecubes, I’ll send ’em out with a shovel.

Utility cost relief enjoyed after a mild summer is about to be corrected.

My folks in Orlando are LOLing their asses off.

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