Sales Craft 17: Job Hunting

It’s been two months since our friend Trevor lost his sales job. After the first four days binging coconut water and hanging out at Petland, he was back on his feet, applying for opportunities that were sure to put his world-class people skills and two-hundred dollar Kohl’s suit to use.

So where has he applied his skills so far?

Teller
Fine-Cinema Usher
Amusement Park Facilitator

While each of those jobs were stimulating and challenging to some degree, Trevor couldn’t muster the sticktoittiveness to stay with any of them. He had already been smitten by the sales temptress. With total conviction, Trevor has decided to go back to selling no matter what it takes. (His timing couldn’t be better — DisneyWorld just let him go for hugging another scared child.)

Back at his apartment, Trevor fires up the PC and logs into LinkedIn. “Let’s see what’s out there!”

Top Sales Hunter Wanted

Does your sales success make you obnoxious? Do you dream about traveling back in time to use your sales skills to dominate all mankind? Have you pushed anyone down at least one flight of stairs to make a sale? If yes, then call Magnum IP Solutions at 232–7899.

Sales “Machine” Needed

Do you love closing deals more than life itself? Does the thought of taking your quota, crushing it, blending it into a smoothie, guzzling it down and pooping it out make you smile? If so, call Tech-Spurts at 789–2323.

Sales Relationship Builder

JK! Only cutthroat, backstabbin’, Viking-fierce sales warriors need apply. If you fit the description, call Sanford & Mumford Enterprises at 555-SKRW.

Sell or Die

Uncapped commission awaits rock-star salesperson. Must provide 30-year history of quota achievement and 10-years worth of tax returns. Must survive the Sepulcher of the Nine Jaded Basilisks. Drug screening mandatory. Call Helen’s Kountry Krafts at 934–5555.

Well, Trevor knows exactly what to do. Time to take action and make the call that will certainly get him back into the selling game.