Saving Sunday: A Love Story
with Melba and Jesse
Melba: Oh, Jesse — I’m so bored.
Jesse: Why don’t you go skip gold coins ‘cross the pond. You like that.
Melba: I just done that, Jesse — ya stupid ol’ fool.
Jesse: Bowling with Fabergé eggs?
Melba: Bleh.
Jesse: Oo! Lemme get your jewel-encrusted 9mm. I’ll release some chinchillas and you can have at ‘em.
Melba: Why’d I marry you, you pathetic excuse for an event coordinator? I should just smash this Pee-casso right over that stupid head of yours.
Jesse: Don’t do that, sweetcakes. Your Sharpie doodles have that painting lookin’ just ‘bout right.
Melba: *heavy sigh*
Jesse: Well, I was gonna save this for tomorrow’s acquittal anniversary of that fraud thing, but …
Melba: Whadya get me! Whadya get me!
Jesse: This crazy-ass cycle thingy with two wheels in the front and one on the behind! It’s hiding in the garage.
Melba: Squee! Wait — which garage?
Jesse: The one ‘twixt the exhibit hall full of dinosaur bones and the Cheesecake Factory. Why don’t you take your Segway on out there, situate your plumpness on the seat and take it for a spin.
Melba: Oh, Jesse! You do love me. I’m a gonna get my 9mm and jump on that crazy-ass cycle thingy. You go release the chinchillas. You done saved Sunday!
Melba pitches back and forth, gains momentum, tumbles off mink-upholstered couch.
Jesse laughs at sight of Melba rolling toward Segway, chokes on large bite of veal sandwich, performs self-Heimlich, launches dislodged food into aquarium grotto holding seal family.
Freeze frame on baby seal’s face.
Roll credits.
