The 1-on-1 Disclosure Framework

At work, people talk to me. Sometimes they tell me things they would prefer I did not share with others. Over the years, I’ve figured out a framework for talking to people about how I think about confidentiality coming out of these sorts of 1-on-1 (this is not limited to manager/report conversations — I’m using ‘1-on-1’ to mean any two-person conversation at work) conversations at work. I’ve shared it with a few people, most of whom thought it was mildly useful, and I figured, for scaling, I’d put it out there.

I have four levels of confidentiality in 1-on-1 conversations:

Level 1: As soon as we leave the room, I’m going to forget we had this conversation;

Level 2: I’ll ask you if there’s anything I can do including talking to other people; I might even suggest it. But if you don’t want that? No big deal. Let me know how/if I can help;

Level 3: I’m really going to ask you to let me do something about this. I’ll be clear and specific about what I want to do and who I want to talk with. I’ll try my best to persuade you to let me do it. And if you don’t, I’ll leave it in the room and not follow it up;

Level 4: I have an ethical or legal obligation to disclose. I will let you know what I’ll do about it, but I’m not going to ask for your permission.

If I haven’t told you I have to report something (level 4), or asked you if I can talk to someone else (level 2, 3), then what we just had was a level 1 conversation. Me disclosing our conversation should never be a surprise to you (and, unless we’re talking about level 4-type stuff, should never happen without your consent).