A ticket to unknown
Do you want to travel to unknown? Do you want to see what you haven’t seen? Or you just wanna leave where you are at now?
For me was the last one. I wanted to leave and I wanted to put everything that I was through behind and start from a definite start point. So I immigrated. From the heart of the middle east, Iran, to the vast country in north America, called Canada. I came by myself with a plan to build a new life in a new place and be a new person. Any definition about these “new” ? no. nothing. I just wanted to leave. (may talk about the reason in another story)
Same things happened that you may have read in other immigrants’ stories before. “Unknown”! To the very very deep definition of this word. An immigrant will experience it with every cell in her body. Some people think this is a just moment that would fades away when you get to learn and “know” it. But it’s not a short moment, it’s not a second. It takes a lifetime of realization and understanding. Once you get on that train, you are on it for good. That’s a lifetime exploration.
Have you seen the Gravity ( the film )? There is a scene that an astronaut get loose in the air. She lost the connection to the spaceship and she is floating in the air with nothing holding her back. But nowhere to go as well. Very similar situation I was in exactly one year after getting up on the train of immigration. I was make a living out of a job that was not aligned with my values and was not even similar to what I used to do back in Iran. I had the ability to change this situation ( I was floating in the air with nothing holding me back to make change ). But I had to nowhere to go.
Why? Because I was used to being told what to do and where to go. Like go study mathematics to become an engineer to make more money to get married well and etc. . I was used to worry about everyone else and their interests but not myself. Part of this mindset was coming from the culture of the society I have born and raised in. Part of it was from my family and part of it was me holding myself back with an invisible string.
There was a moment in my journey of “unknown”, when I was looking through the window of this train cabin, I saw myself in the reflection of the window. I saw me. and I tough I don’t know her. I know all the people around me. I’m getting to know what is going on outside but I don’t know this woman who is looking me in the eye. That can make everything worse. right?
But I stood up and looked at myself clearly. I loved me. I thought where was I all this time? my journey to the unknown made me come to a better understanding with myself.
Unfortunately there are so many women out there like me who forgot themselves. And now I have the privilege to talk and work with some of them and we are helping each other out of it. I came to this realization that everyone of us, women or men, immigrant or not, should get a ticket to the unknown of our true selves. We will find some good treasures out there.
This is story to be continued…