Don’t Listen to Anyone
Instead, watch what they do
I dated a girl for a long time, for years.
It got to the point where we were discussing having children. This prospect scared me, as it should, and it turned me into a workaholic.
It also made me hyper worried about her and what I saw as her problems.
I became a much more serious person and eventually, she told me that I wasn’t as fun anymore. Which was probably true.
I noticed that despite her saying that she wanted to be with me and develop a future together she wasn’t acting like it. She was partying a lot and going out with her friends seemed to be her top priority.
I loved her and wanted her to be happy. She was funny and beautiful; I wanted to be with her, but I knew that it wasn’t going to work.
So, we broke up.
Her words said one thing, but her actions said differently.
It wasn’t just that she wasn’t ready, I wasn’t ready either.
I recently heard someone say that a man won’t trust his woman because he doesn’t have faith in himself.
Without going too deep into that idea, because it’s not an obvious point at surface level, it seemed that this was the case with me and my relationship.
I was unsure about the future, about my future, about myself, so naturally, I was unsure about the relationship. This insecurity manifested in me a borderline neurotic need for control and security. I definitely wasn’t fun anymore.
My actions were a reflection of my fear.
One of the people I admire is David Goggins.
You’ve probably heard of him. You should have heard of him.
But if you haven’t, then let me introduce you.
From his website:
David Goggins is a retired Navy SEAL and is the only member of the U.S. Armed Forces to complete SEAL training (including two Hell Weeks), the U.S. Army Ranger School (where he graduated as Enlisted Honor Man) and Air Force Tactical Air Controller training.
An accomplished endurance athlete, Goggins has completed over 60 ultra-marathons, triathlons, and ultra-triathlons, setting new course records and regularly placing in the top five. He once held the Guinness World Record for pull-ups completing 4,030 in 17 hours
But David wasn’t always like this, being a badass didn’t come naturally to him.
He had a very rough childhood, was beaten by his father, struggled in school, and stuttered.
After leaving the Air Force he started working a job as an exterminator where he ballooned up to 300 lbs.
And then he decided to join the Navy Seals.
Within 3 months he lost over 100 pounds and was accepted into Navy Seal training. It took him 3 attempts before he succeeded at graduating from BUD/S.
That means he suffered through 3 Hell Weeks, a section of BUD/S training that lasts for 5 days and 5 nights. Trainees get a total of about 4 hours of sleep during Hell Week.
I’ve listened to many podcasts with Goggins and I’ve listened to his audiobook. And a lot of edits of him speaking on YouTube.
I find his story and his words to be very encouraging and invigorating. His main message is that of self-realization through self-imposed hardships.
Goggin’s came up with a rule, called the 40% rule.
When your mind is telling you you’re done, you’re really only 40 percent done.
But I wouldn’t be remotely interested in what he has to say if he hadn’t been through what he’s been through and done all the crazy shit that he’s done.
This man ran 100 miles without any training.
The man is badass, insane, but very much a badass.
I gain encouragement from David Goggin’s words precisely because his words are backed up by his actions. I didn’t trust my girlfriend’s words because they were contradictory to her actions.
I ran a marathon (26.2 miles) without ever having heard of David Goggins, but before I ran a 30-mile race I listened to a lot of David Goggins.
A 30-mile race, a 50k, is technically an ultra-marathon because any distance longer than a marathon is technically an ultra-marathon. But it sure wasn’t 100 miles. Anyway.
I hadn’t trained as well as I should have leading up to the race.
In preparation, I hadn’t done any run longer than 10 miles or so.
The race was in Vermont at the end of October, so it was going to be a little chilly.
And hilly. It was very hilly. I learned that after I had decided to run the race.
I drove up the night before and stayed in an Air BnB. That night as I lay in bed I started to worry and question my decision.
Is this a bad idea?
Am I being an idiot?
What if I injure myself? I’m going to look like a moron.
Eventually, I fell asleep and when I woke up my mind fired up the same exact line of questioning.
I felt the anxiety building as I stretched and rolled out my leg muscles with a foam roller on the hardwood floor
But then I just decided that I could do it. And that I would do it.
I took comfort in making that decision. Instead of worrying about what could go wrong, as I did in my relationship, I chose to only focus on how I could succeed. I removed failure as an option.
It would be of an act of will more than one of physical endurance.
Just Do it
— Nike, based off of a murderer’s last words
The hills started almost immediately. I fought off the excitement from the start of the race and walked quickly up the hills, instead of running.
Slow and steady wins the race.
I knew I needed to avoid burning out.
The rain began pretty soon as well. In no time my gloves were soaked and useless, but my momentum kept me warm.
I didn’t have a watch or my phone with me, so I had no way of tracking my time.
At the first aid station, I imagined I was at around Mile 7; I was in fact at Mile 11.
It felt great to be further along than I anticipated.
It was the same at the next aid station — I was further along than I thought I was and soon I was halfway done.
I was doing a 50k — 30 Miles, but there was also a marathon and a half marathon race as well.
Eventually, all that was left was the ultra-runners; there weren’t many people and soon I was all alone.
And I was completely soaked. My hands started to get cold and then they went numb. They started to swell.
I was getting worried; if anything was going to cause me to quit it was going to be my freezing hands.
But then I had an idea.
I ran off into the woods and peed on my frozen fingers. It was bliss.
I know that sounds disgusting, but understand I had been running for hours in the cold rain and I was well hydrated, so my pee was completely clear.
But most importantly it was warm!
From then on I knew I was saved. I drank even more water more frequently so I could keep peeing on my fingers. I was laughing at myself at the absurdity of it.
Let me tell you though, that feeling of peeing on my freezing fingers was incredible. If I could bottle that feeling and sell it, I’d be rich.
The last few miles were rough. I was slowing down. My legs began to cramp as I trudged up the hills.
I had a cramp in my foot that persisted and wouldn’t go away. There was nothing to do but run through it.
Eventually, I started to recognize my surroundings, I knew where I was, I was close to the finish line!
And then I was done.
I don’t stop when I’m tired. I stop when I’m done
— David Goggins
I like to think of myself as a pragmatist.
What that means to me, in short, is — If It Works, Then It's True.
But his is what the Merriam-Webster has to say about pragmatism:
1: a practical approach to problems and affairs
2: an American movement in philosophy founded by C. S. Peirce and William James and marked by the doctrines that the meaning of conceptions is to be sought in their practical bearings, that the function of thought is to guide action, and that truth is preeminent to be tested by the practical consequences of belief
I believe that all good philosophy must yield practical guidance for positive results.
Otherwise, it’s little more than mental masturbation.
At the end of the day what we think and what we believe matter only as much as the effects they create in our day to day lives.
Listening to David Goggins won’t change a thing; it doesn’t matter how much I agree with what he is saying if I don’t implement the teachings into my life.
