Nope, not paranoid.
Hi, I’m Rick. I’m new to Medium and just clicked the HD tag. I feel compelled to respond.
My wife died, at 60, from complications of HD. When I reminisce with friends, the think the symptoms started before she was 40. I can now recognize the “Huntington’s Shuffle” in someone from a block away.
It sucks I can do that.
If your fidgeting is a constant up-and-down, like a nervous person does that will drive you crazy, that’s probably not HD. But if it’s fairly constant, but not necessary rhythmic, then it may be the HD. It’s one of those things that it hard to describe, but you know it when you see it.
I feel for you. I really feel for your wife and family. Please stay as open as you can with her, and everyone that cares about you, and then be even more open. Please don’t hide who you are. Insist your loved ones stay completely honest with you, and you with them. As more symptoms appear it will scare the hell out of all of you. It may be embarrassing, even humiliating, at times. You all have to stay sharp to be able to tell when it’s you, or the HD, talking. Stay positive. You life is going to suck only to the degree you let it. That’s sounds way easier than it will be. You are really going to find out who your true allies are in the next few years, and you are really going to find out what you are made of. Many of the people who are close to you now, won’t be later. You have to be ok with that.
There may be a time where you will understand that acceptance is not quitting. My wife left us displaying dignity and class. She went on her terms. She left many feeling they learned a lot from her about life, and death. Her social worker, who has been in the business north of 15 years, felt she had learned more from my wife, than the other way around.
You are being given the opportunity to help teach people how to live every day like you mean it, because we are only given so many. If you maintain this strength, openness and honesty all the way until the end, you will have accomplished an amazing feat.