Hi, Thank you for courageously sharing your truth with the world.
I am miserable and tired of pretending. Of constantly fighting the resentment and the urge of feeling jealous of other people and their lives — This hit me as I read it.
I remember summer nights, looking out from my window, watching children play, being driven to baseball or soccer, and Id think, “Their parents love them. I wish I was happy as they are.” I share your sentiments; feeling like you’re all alone in this world with your problem, not fully being away there are most likely others who are in the same shoes. But without having met them or hear their stories, you do feel alone. Until you do a simple Google search and find something like this.
Add an alcoholic, absent, abusive parent, a fear-filled, narcissist parent, siblings who do not speak to you for years unless they want something — that is the basis of my life, even into adulthood. Welcome to my hell. The dysfunctional family I did not ask for, that I simply do not want to belong to.
When fear, despair keeps you awake a night — you ask yourself, “what did I do to deserve this? Do others go through this in my cultural community, and if so, who and where are they? “
Therapy helps until you can no longer afford it anymore — then what do you do? Pills only help so much. Exercise and healthy eating habits help keep you fit and sane.
How do you find people that may be in similar situation as you when the community, families, don’t want to address and talk about it?