Will I ever be good enough? That thought has run through my mind a lot in the past 10 years of my life. Will I ever be good enough to live up to the expectations set forth by the world around me? Will I ever be good enough to live up to the expectations set forth by my aunt?
The expectations seem impossible.
From the world I am expected to be a size 10 or smaller, but I know that I will never fit into that mold. I am a size 28 and I will probably never be smaller than a size 20. To the world, that is not good enough.
From the world I am expected to be doing more with my life. I do not technically work full time. I do not work for a large company who pays me lots of money. I love my job and I love being in a small company where I am loved and respected. To the world, that is not good enough.
From my aunt, I am expected to have lost weight every time that I see her. I haven’t lost weight in a long time. I am okay with that. To my aunt, that is not good enough.
From my aunt, I am expected to not wear clothes that show off my weight. That means no dresses, tank tops, sleeveless tops, or heaven forbid, something with stripes. I love the clothes that I wear. They are my style and my comfort. To my aunt though, that is not good enough.
From my aunt, I expected to be perfect. I am expected to be perfect in everything that I do. When I say “perfection doesn’t exist”, I am told “that is not good enough”.
To the world and to my aunt. I will never be good enough. But to myself?
Well I am good enough. Just the way that I am.
“Maybe my best isn’t as good as someone else’s, but for a lot of people, my best is enough. Most importantly, for me it’s enough.”
― Lindsey Stirling, The Only Pirate at the Party