Nice try, says my wonky editor self. It’s 4200 words, and since you took about 10 minutes to do it you’re typing at 400 words a minute. Which might be unbelievable if anybody remembered how fast people who type for a living type for their living. Let alone write for a living. I know, that’s so 1984. Nobody was writing anything back then; it was all typing. But your essay was fun and daring until the last paragraph in boldface, where any pre-emptive beatdown on comments arrived. Thus, the double-bird photo.