Photo credit: thisisbossi on VisualHunt

As a couples therapist, I’ve spent 25 years helping people strengthen and improve their relationships. Here are the seven of the most important takeaways:

1. Name your emotions instead of acting them out.

This is perhaps the #1 shift that I try to help people with. Say “I’m frustrated,” instead of “You never ______!” Say “I’m hurt,” instead of…

Photo credit: Paul Stevenson on Visualhunt / CC BY

Strategies for Minimzing Judgement

Judgements and struggles over who’s right are destructive in relationships (see Right and Wrong, Tale of Two Stories). In essence, what Marshall Rosenberg of Nonviolent Communication calls “moralizing judgements” are thoughts or statements that imply another person’s wrongness, badness, or inferiority. …

Photo by author.

In a response to my Letter and Envelope story, Master Yoda raised a variation of this question, positing that we should treat our partners as equals rather than as children or property. (Seems reasonable?) John Gottman, the renowned relationship researcher, makes the houseguest comparison. He points out that we would…

Robert Solley

Making sense of relationships.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store