Hi Rafael —
Thanks for your thoughtful comments. Love Alain de Botton. Yes, I think we are somewhat in-between traditional hierarchical views of relationships and a more mutual ideal, which is part of what makes things complicated. Hierarchy does make things clearer, but it has to be agreed upon by both parties, otherwise it becomes oppressive. Telepathy, as Pete Pearson is fond of saying, is a very unreliable form of communication. However, over time it is important in relationships for us to learn and know what matters to each other, to have what Gottman calls Love Maps of each others likes and dislikes, strengths and vulnerabilities.