The Right/Wrong Game

In relationships

Not eye to eye.

Beyond our ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.

— Rumi

You’ll see this quote by Rumi on a lot of couples therapy websites. It’s a good quote, and we all have some idea of what it means. Most of us have had the experience of getting caught up in the unhelpful “who’s right” type of argument. It’s a power struggle. For some couples it’s a chronic, toxic pattern.

The need to be right can be addictive, and it can also destroy relationships.

Here’s an in-depth look at why right and wrong is usually a lose-lose contest in relationships, the illusion of “being right,” and how to get out of the trap.

Let’s examine the ideas of “right” and “wrong.” We apply these evaluations to everything from math problems in school to how the house should be cleaned to how we should feel about each other, on up to how kids should be parented, or a nation ruled. But there’s a huge range of complexity and applicability from one end to the other.