Robert Solley
Jul 25, 2017 · 1 min read

This is a tough question because it would require a lot more inquiry to understand fully. First of all, something’s off in the relationship if one person feels they’re taking most of the blame. However, when things aren’t going well it’s also not unusual for both people to feel — paradoxically — that they’re taking the all the blame and/or trying harder than the other. There are lots of reasons for this having to do with how memory works, negativity bias, etc.

This type of question may also indicate that you’re nature is to be a caretaker that works too hard for your partner (and others) and doesn’t take enough care of yourself, set boundaries well, and so on. Here’s another of my articles that may help on that front: The Goldilocks Zone of Self-Advocacy.

As I’ve mentioned here and elsewhere, blame in general is problematic in relationships, but the situation you describe may be a call for couples therapy. Thanks for the question Christine!

    Robert Solley

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    Fresh takes on making your relationships secure.