the unconscious urge to escape

from everything

I’ve been writing for about a month now, spouting my crap for the internet to see and I’ve took it a step further on recording videos and doing more public speaking. I never stop wondering “why am I doing this when there are a plethora of articles, videos /etc that do things better than me” but that’s really all in your head for the most part and also noted…. a form of procrastination.

So I’ve been recognizing that in most situations I want to hurry up and get it over with, escape, get my “time worth” and this itself is a hindrance because as noted in earlier posts, it’s a dumb obligation that I habitually draw towards.

People who are terrified of what others think about them are actually terrified of all the negative things they think about themselves being reflected back at them.
 -Mark Manson

And what sucks the most is I think everyone’s the same way. This quote really resonated with me and there really is only one answer which is to change my reflection and perception of people.

Live in the moment!

Is something I’ve been trying to do a lot these days but for the lot of us who suffer from social anxiety and depression /etc, it’s a LONNNGG bumpy ride.
For those of you who have had very crappy parents and very crappy peers, the entire construct of what you know is built on trial and error and this always holds true in your mind. When I go up and talk, when I do anything that exposes me to the public, immediately this ushers in all preconceived years of trial and error. To over come this is going to take quite the lot of re-immersion and my advice is to find yourself a very supportive environment. It’s not about the things you hear that will fix your social problems, depression, /etc, the things you don’t hear is the key. Why is it that people have anxiety and depression? I would think because they’ve heard too much and are stuck in their own minds. The more negative things you hear is what will reinforce that you are in the “correct” mindset when really it’s just you wanting to escape and put less effort into fixing something you don’t think needs fixing. By all means, if you’re rich and comfortable being alone but have crippling social anxiety, it’s still pretty saddening really.

Anyways, for those who are public speaking out there, or want to have a more vibrant social life, this video is the best I’ve ever seen when it comes to catching our biases and such.