Ok you know what? I don’t know. I just felt like asking a question.
I just didn’t have a grand statement to start with. I don’t actually have anything to really say. Does that matter? Sorry if you were expecting something. I have had an eventful month and I think my brain is trying to re-adjust to this new structure.
So far, I have already washed my car. I am learning that I am definitely allergic to my new fabric softener. I don’t know what else I am allergic to but my sensitive soul is turning red as often as a British middle aged white male on a beach holiday in Spain. I have learned the art of ironing is a bit too time consuming. The art of waking up before my alarm going off makes me feel way too adult. My sense of direction seems to be improving but really, I just seem to follow my car sat nav pretty well. Rolling down the window and singing to the radio and not caring about the people who stare at my tone deaf self, gives me a lot of life. I am learning that politics matter (who am I now?). I don’t miss being a child anymore. I don’t actually miss much. I am learning living in the present can be just as fulfilling as planning for a better future. I am still a little scared of this feeling of content and excitement over my life but I am sure, it is normal.
The thing is, most of the time my brain knows how to rationalise and make sense of the world. The times it doesn’t, all hell breaks loose and overthinking brings me to my knees. But you know, breathing it out and just letting it pass has brought me so much — peace.
Oh and you know it’s ok to over think too. I mean it’s not and it is. Sure, no one wants anxiety but hey, when life gives you lemonade, make lemons.
I am also learning, oh get this, I am learning that it’s ok to just like someone. Like just go ahead and like them. Don’t worry about what ifs and what nots and blah blah blah. It doesn’t have to make sense at all ok. Like go ahead, crush hard because they like the band you like and they just make you smile. Doesn’t mean you will get married or get on the property ladder. It doesn’t have to mean anything. It just means that for that moment, you are happy. And that is A Ok!
I guess, I am turning out to be that person I wanted to be a year ago. Who would have thought a girl with no plan would make it? Well, secretly I did of course. But you know, plenty of doubts, struggle, doubts, the what the fuck am I doing meltdowns and lots of bowls of rice later. Here I am.
It’s beautiful. Spring has hit. The days are longer and my smile is a bit wider. So is my waist. Don’t worry, I won’t hit the gym. Sorry mother, I will try to walk a little more. I just can’t give up the white stuff. It just is too addictive.
So that pretty much concludes March. Oh and my parking is sort of better. Nothing to do with the stereotype, I was really great at one time and then I just turned into that person who has no shame over how close to the line they are. Maybe April.