Advice For When You Get Pulled Over By A Cop

… It’ll happen sooner or later and you need to be prepared.


This is to my colored brothers and sisters.

If you are Caucasian, this post still is still for you if you have the ability to tan, use a tanning booth, or react well to spray-on tan.

If you are an albino, you are all set! Go enjoy your umbrella shade.


You Will Get Pulled Over

My friends and I have tried everything from driving 20 mph below the speed limit to giving our cars a generous coat of reflective paint. Nothing seems to hide us from those coppers.

You Will Get Beat Up Outside Your Car

If you are smoking, smoking hot, or playing Smokey Robinson’s greatest hits, you will be told to put out the source of the smoke. There is no exception on this. If you refuse, you will be yanked out of your car, get a beating, topped in pepper spray, and go to jail.

If you do not display the appropriate amount of respect (barbie-like smiles and a few giggly hair flicks), you will be dragged out of your car, tasered repeatedly, and go to jail.

You Will Go To Jail

If you are in jail, do your best to request your phone call as many times as it takes to get a phone call. Make sure to have the number you dial enable the video camera in your contact lenses and the following options: enable auto-upload to YouTube, call your lawyer, call your State Rep, call your friends, online your Free [Insert Name Here] page with a fresh bitcoin donation address, and call a number that will call you back daily and give you the options I’ve mentioned. The slammer is rough and you need to have Guzman’s connections or freakin’ James Bond’s wits to get out.


This was intended to be a humorous post, but it was inspired by the tragic death of Sandra Bland and many others who deserved respect and not bullets/harassment while in their vehicles.

No one should be treated any less than a human under any circumstance.