It’s a Wild World

Rubi Nicholas
Aug 24, 2017 · 9 min read

Exactly three decades ago, I was packing up the room I’d shared with my younger sister for my lifetime it seemed. I was on my way to college. Finally!

College — away from home. The official break from my oddly restrictive, yet occasionally progressive and ultimately, loving Muslim parents. My little sister and I were as close as any two sisters I’d known; until I watched my girls grow into a similarly intimate pair right before my eyes.

My daughter is 18 and today, we moved her into her dorm. Thirty years ago, I sat with my little sister on the floor and played the Cat Steven’s anthem, “It’s a Wild World” and cried and hugged her face off. Looking back, my sister wasn’t much of a crier, and oddly enough, neither is my younger daughter.

To compare 1987 to 2017 in this three decade frame is oddly engaging. The world today seems scarier now than it was then. “Wild” doesn’t really even cover it, does it? But let’s think. In 1987 a Republican most famous for being a film star was at that time the oldest person to hold the office of POTUS. Um, also too, thirty years later, a Republican most famous for being on reality TV is the oldest person to hold the office. It rings the same, but it is so markedly different in feel and vibe.

It’s jarring to think that in 1987, I joined student organizations against apartheid, and in 2017, actual white supremacists currently have an active voice, condoned by the POTUS, in the US!

This is outright scary.

This is stuff that happens in “those other whacky countries” that don’t know how much better our democratic, western ideals are. I really and truly don’t believe this of the Republican party, but seriously, pull yourselves together already. Stop trying to figure out how to defend anyone else’s statements, and instead, make your own. Start being vocal, stop any of the nonsense hate talk in flow wherever you hear it. Take a minute to educate someone who might assume you are on the same team. Every. Single. Time.

I don’t know what advice to give my daughter. I’m not sure about the world she’s going out there to experience. I have been a registered democrat since my 18th birthday, in a Republican home, county and schools. I remember taking my first government class in high school, and identifying much more strongly with the labor class having grown up in a poor coal mining town in central Pennsylvania — for me, the party made sense. It didn’t mean I hated Republicans, far from it. It meant my priorities were more socially aligned with the party of the people moreso than the party of supply side economics. It was pretty simple then.

I went to an all Catholic, very Republican, extremely white college in the suburbs of Philadelphia. I was easily able to navigate there — this was certainly the Devil I knew very well. I was raised on the upper end of the middle class, I knew to whisper “excuse me” when swooshing around someone in the ladies room. The “excuse me whisperers” of this country can no longer be content to whisper. It’s time to get it together and think about what we can actually do to effect change. We can’t even touch global climate, without first fixing the country’s racial and political climate. Baby steps.

My reminiscence of joining an anti Apartheid student group is borderline hilarious to millennials who are like “what? Nelson Mandela was in jail, then he got to be President, that’s nuts” But now, South Africa seems like a much more civilized place than the US. That total turnaround socially happened there in same three decades that I went to college, grad school, got married, had 2 kids, got divorced, raised 1 child to an adult and another who is well on her way. How have we grown as a country? Are we stronger? Have we learned anything about ourselves?

Ironically, exactly twenty years ago today, I got married. We both made mistakes. Lots of them. In the days following our separation, we only communicated in anger, blame and terse words. I had one and only one priority then: the girls. Turns out, my ex-husband had only this priority as well. While it was rocky in the beginning, once we both recognized that we were on different paths as individuals, that we had different world views and opinions that we couldn’t reconcile, we had one thing in common — we had two amazing daughters that we both wanted nothing but the best for in life.

Here we are as country, kind of in the same spot, huh? I didn’t plan on this single mom life, but hey okay, I have to live with it. We have to live with it. We have to find a way to thrive — we don’t have anyone but ourselves to pull it together as a country. I’m thinking of things to say to my daughter that don’t revolve around alcohol poisoning and condoms being a thing. In the end, as I see her off, I just hope I made solid choices in being an example to this child who is now an adult.

The thing is, I don’t need to be anywhere near politically perfect, I’m a regular Joe Schmoe single mom with a kooky background. So, I take the opportunity to educate kids in my house when they express opinions that are not what I know to be the truth, or part of my belief system. I encourage dialogue, as I watched my mother do the very same, so many times, with all of my Catholic friends who were just “over the house” eating the really good “Rubi’s mom’s rice.” She would educate them on the important similarities between Christianity and Islam over rice and samosas. It was a different time then.

Yes, I’m from a small town. Yes, my mom could call her congressman and talk to him personally about her issues, and yes, he would listen. My parents were active political donors to the Republican party for decades. There was no time in my younger years, that they didn’t self identify as conservative republicans, both from a family values and from a fiscal perspective. Today, I fear that the same type of person isn’t sitting at the kitchen island sharing smiles and snacks with her progressive neighbor debating their positions.

What I want to tell my daughter is that you can only plan so much, and sometimes life is completely out of your control. I know you are a good person, and you want to do the right thing. One day, you might end up in a position that you didn’t plan, and I hope by my example that you will work on figuring it out to the best of your ability. It’s the same thing with the POTUS, our country did not plan on this. Lots of people who voted for Trump were just voting for change. I understand that entirely. But I know that some of you know you made a mistake. How about admitting it, so we can start moving toward fixing it?

So twenty years ago I got married. I made a mistake. He made a mistake. We both are okay that the other wasn’t the true partner either of us was looking for even though we seemed reasonably assured the other was “it” in the moment that we took our vows. One of the reasons we can sit in a car for 3 hours and talk politics, the eclipse, my younger daughter’s new trumpet, my older daughter’s desire to play rugby, and any other topics that pop up is because we continue to have a common goal: to demonstrate forgiveness and kindness in front of the girls, be the example they need to see, instead of the nightmare so many other children of bitter divorces have to live. I remind them routinely, that dad is always going to be family. Focusing on the positive impacts we were able to make in our girls’ lives without animosity toward each other has made us friends again.

Perhaps I am being overly optimistic, but in my opinion, we are already divorced as a country of two parties. What we have forgotten though is that as Americans, we still have a common goal — to raise this country. At some point, both sides are going to have to buck up and recognize that Donald Trump is a huge mistake, and that the obligation of the parties is still to create a country for its constituents that embrace and espouse the very best things about being an American. What I’m seeing instead is a long list of individuals slamming each other personally without regard for the impact that it’s having on the children…I mean the country.

It feels like we should be heading into a family session where we can start hashing this stuff out, because we care about what’s happening to our country. We are fractured, we are divided, we hate each other at times, and all we can do is name call and fight? We are better than this. We are a much more civilized society than this — on both sides — and I am specifically talking about the big middle — not the extreme haters on either end. It’s time for rational bipartisan leadership to co-parent this country like the child of a divorce. We need to keep this country first.

Even in the Pledge of Allegiance — we pledge to be One Nation first, before the “under God” piece, and it doesn’t matter to me if you believe or don’t believe or what God you believe in. If you pledge to be one nation before God — you are on team America. If you put God before country and decide that yours is the right God, the only one, or that you are the arbiter of God’s existence at all, then I’m sorry. I feel like you are contributing to the hatred and chaos that this country is devolving into. Agreeing to disagree on small points, while focusing on the main events is what made this day possible for me as a co-parent with my ex-husband. I am taking extra time this mid-term election to understand at a deep level each candidate’s motivation and alignment with moving this country forward. I want details, I want to know what legislation they plan to introduce that will heal this country. Because we are badly cut, we are a bleeding mess and we need to vote for elected officials that aren’t just “different” but have the capacity, experience and backbone to stand up to this POTUS and focus on what’s important to bring this country back together again.

As a person who’s been described as “vaguely ethnic” on more than one occasion, it always tickled me when someone would say “it’s so cool you don’t have an accent” — right, because being born in NY and raised in PA pretty much guarantees that I am a native speaker of English. Ironically, only in America do people question my “Amercianness.” One of the most ironice, best things that happened to me last year was receiving an invitation to be a featured host at the SheDot Festival in Toronto. There was a show called “SheMerica” showcasing all American talent, and I was tickled that fellow American hostess, Erin Harkes, a blonde haired, blue-eyed very funny American comedian and friend of mine was not asked to host that particular show. I couldn’t help but remark that the freaking Canaaaaadians think I’m more American than actual Americans. Priceless. Awesome. At least I have my opening joke.

My biracial, joyful, lover of people American daughter is going to be out “there” in the world on her own. I want her to be happy and carefree, but I am so reserved in my optimism about this country and where we stand today. This week on the very same day, I saw the eclipse, then a rainbow, then a lightning storm. I’d like to think it was Mother Nature reminding us to keep looking up.

Before this political storm becomes catastrophic, I implore you to start doing your research now. Find out who your candidates are, where they stand and if they are committed to working with all parties to heal this country. I don’t even want them to make America Great Again…I just want them to make America, America again.

I loved what Jimmy Kimmel said about “shaking the etch-a-sketch” and I forgive you if you voted for the POTUS and now have some regrets. I have heard one or two of you say “well maybe the devil we don’t know isn’t the best game plan either.” So now, let’s talk about how to work together to put a new picture on that red-framed newly shakened gray tabula rasa. I’ll even let you hold one knob while I hold the other and we can work together to make something new, something better, and dare I say it, possibly something great.

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Rubi Nicholas

Written by

Stand up comedian, Pakistani origin, Lancaster, PA - winner of Nick@Nite's Funniest Mom in America

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